A continuation of Me as Mrs. Robinson
"I have scars," she said.
"Me too," he said.
And then he showed her his scar. A tiny, sliver of a scar just above his right eye.
"Dangerous spot," she said.
"I know," he said.
And then she showed him her scars--massive battle wounds across both breasts and her stomach, a chemo port scar, and numerous skin cancer scars across her forehead, neck, arms, and legs.
But before she showed him her scars, she blindfolded him. And then, just in case he peaked, she lowered the lights.
She placed a bottle of well-chilled, California chardonnay on her lips and sucked hard. And then she poured some down his throat. And then she turned up the funk.
Now... she was ready.
He was attentive. He was eager. And when she finally turned off her brain, she was present.
It was invigorating and it was powerful. But best of all, it was casual.
I am learning how to live on my own for the first time in my life.
I am learning how to have casual relationships with men, and sustainable relationships with women.
I kept his socks--black, ironman, crew length socks. I wear them sometimes when I'm feeling frisky. I like feeling frisky.
I only reached out to him once since our adventure and I was sober when I did it.
"Incase you're feeling weird about me being older, you should know I am the same age as Madonna," she said.
When I confessed this to my daughter she said he probably didn't feel weird about it until I brought it up. In hindsight, I'm certain she is right.
He showed me a picture of his post Burning Man haircut. Gone was his man bun. Gone were those wild, rockstar, playa dust, fussed dreads.
Gone was my wolf cub crush.
I am putting dating on hold while I focus on pleasing me. This is challenging for a women who craves male attention.
I still see George Clooney from time to time when he's not off doing whatever it is famous people do. He is attentive, and patient, and fun. He is casual.
A friend of mine is dying. After a 12 year battle with breast cancer, she is in the final days of her life. Her husband is by her side. She is letting go and he is clinging to her every breath. It is heartbreaking to witness and yet, I can't help but marvel at their love. It is a love that is complete, and pure, and so good. It is a love that will last beyond her death.
When I'm done with casual, I want that kind of love.