Saturday, March 27, 2010

Happy "WHEE DAY"

It's an
-->Extra Light post today - not too heavy, not too sweet.  It's a tale about Cindy Who, Greg Magoo and a brave, Gypsy King named Ferka.

Yesterday I had a General Liability insurance audit scheduled for 1:00 pm.  I try to plan my meetings in the afternoons, because I write from home in the mornings. 

See how clever I am - realizing its impossible to get you to read beyond this point without that opening statement.

Insurance audits are NOT a big deal. You get a postcard in the mail saying when they're coming.  When that day arrives, someone enters your office, looks at your quarterly reports, ask for a list of officers, a breakdown of staff, and then leaves.

Typically, this takes about 15 to 20 minutes.

Our last auditor was an adorable, real life version of Dr. Seuss's Cindy Lou Who.

Cute as a button!  She was perky, punctual and professional.

She compiled her numbers and skipped out the door in record breaking time.

Apparently audits are open for stylistic interpretation.

What worked for Cindy Lou Who didn't necessarily work for Mr. Greg Magoo. 

Mr. Magoo sent a hand written letter along with a follow up phone call - three months in advance of our appointment.  So that I would have the necessary paperwork in order, he gave a detailed list of his demands.

Quarterly reports were not "specific" enough for Mr. Magoo.  His breakdown requirements defied all logic. He was so meticulous that I thought it best if I hooked him up directly with our payroll specialist.

She compiled a 160 page report to appease Mr Magoo.

He called the day before the audit to reconfirm his impending arrival.

He explained his itinerary--reading line by line, the route generated by his portable GPS--then gave a verbal analysis of the variations of his mapquested route.

Being detail oriented, he included his time of departure, anticipated traffic delays, various scheduled stops along the way (including bathroom breaks) and estimated time of arrival.

He asked how much time we'd have together. I asked why we needed to be together at all. He had the necessary paperwork in his hands, why couldn't we complete the audit over the phone?

He explained the need to confirm that I was REAL and that the business was REAL and that ....(this is an exact quote)..."we weren't housing sheep in the back yard."

Clearly this was a socially inept man who needed, at the very least, a well qualified therapist and a pet. 

I returned home that evening and explained to my husband the antics of Mr. Magoo.

Somewhere towards the end of the first bottle of chardonnay, my husband came up with an idea that would shorten Mr. Magoo's stay.

HUSBAND: Explain to him that its "Whee Day" and you're anxious to get the celebration underway

ME:  What's Whee Day?

HUSBAND:  I don't know

At first, this statement appeared absurd. However, my husband is a man of very few words so when he suggests something as profound as this I listen.

Instead of counting sheep, I spent the night dreaming up "Whee Day" traditions.

I envisioned an elaborate celebration complete with balloons and refreshments.  I decided that "Whee Day" originated in Austria. I declared Miss Pegged, my coworker in crime, 100% Austrian and I, one quarter Austrian.

To confuse Mr. Magoo, and to freak him out just a bit, I thought it would be fun to dress in punked-out Gothic garb.

I highlighted my winter white face in black eyeliner, shadow, and brow pencil - then painted my lips a rich, royal red.

I dressed in layers of black, accented with a purple and black zebra scarf, and topped it off with teased, stiffly sprayed, spiked hair.

I was an Austrian Gothic Office Princess!

Halfway into form fitting fishnets, I remembered I had forgotten to inform Miss Pegged of my diabolical plan.

With 30 minutes to spare, I called the office to brief everyone on the order of the day.

Peg answered courtly, sounding uncharacteristically stiff.

ME:  Don't act alarmed by my attire

MISS PEGGED:   ...............

ME:  Everything okay?

MISS PEGGED:  Certainly

ME: Is he …....there?

MISS PEGGED:  That would be correct

Mr. Magoo arrived an hour ahead of schedule! He justified this by telling Peg the payroll specialist had failed to include all the necessary documents - something Mr. Magoo was unaware of until he opened the packet earlier that morning.

Mr. Magoo was holding Miss Pegged hostage, forcing her to pick up his slack.  Phone calls, emails, downloads, and faxes created a twisted paper trail that spewed across her desk into his lap.

I arrived just in the nick of time.

"HAPPY WHEEE DAY!"  I shouted.

 “It sure is!” replied my father, certain the day would include cake. 

Knowing Peg needed a quick escape - I reminded her about a bogus contract deadline and asked if she prepared all the necessary documents.

Sucked dry of sarcasm and mildly confused, she sheepishly confessed that she had not.

I ordered her to take a walk, adding “and don’t forget to come back!”

Peg grabbed her purse and darted out the door.

Mr. Magoo gallantly jumped to her defense but I silenced him by reverberating that it was Whee Day, and WE needed to wrap things up as quickly as possible so that WE could carry on with our festivities.

When the food delivery man arrived and I greeted him with an enthusiastic, “Happy Whee Day!"  he smiled and wished me a "Happy Whee Day” in return.

Shortly there after, a guard arrived unexpectedly. When I greeted him "Happy Whee Day!" he smiled, awkwardly offered me a handshake, told me I looked great, and then "Happy Whee Day-ed" me back.   

Whee Day, was a BIG day!

Mr. Magoo, intrigued by the popularity of Whee Day, asked that I tell him more about our Austrian holiday. 

And so....I told him about the legend of King Ferka - a powerful gypsy King that ruled Austria back in the late eighteen hundreds.

Ferka disobeyed the gypsy code of superstition by walking in the woods after dusk AND by keeping silver coins in his pockets. 

Late one night, during the height of a full moon, Ferka set off for a walk on the wild side.  

The night was crisp and clear. As he continued along his path, he savored the scents of nature - the smell of the hickory trees swaying in the wind and the wisps of campfire embers. 

With open palms, he stretched out his arms and watched in delight as moon beams caught the gleam of his silver trinkets.

Suddenly, the woods became deathly quiet.  Something was awry... 

A haunting howl permeated the air.  The gypsy King was acutely aware of the creature that generated this deafening sound.  It was that of  … a werewolf!!!

Without adieu, King Ferka serpentined his way back towards his castle but his path was suddenly blocked by the shadow of his inner fear. 

There before him, hunched on hind legs, was a slobbering werewolf.

Ferka, fearing his sudden demise, reached into his pocket and pulled out his silver coins.  As the werewolf lunged towards him, Ferka plunged the metal deep into his chest.

A haunting yelp followed by an earth shaking thump.

There, in shadow of the moonlight, with silver lodged in the center of his seething heart, a werewolf lay silently on the ground.

The abominable creature now gone, the people of Austria were free to roam the country side at night.

A magnificent celebration  full of merriment, music and fine food followed.

Peg enters, stage left....

ME: You’re back!

MISS PEGGED:  I remembered

MAGOO: But why do they call it Whee Day?

ME: No one knows for sure

MAGOO:  What???

ME: Peg’s great great grandmother, a direct descendant of King Ferka says it’s the squealing sound the King made as he ran for his life.

MAGOO:  What????!!!

ME:  Sad, but true

MAGOO: Are there a lot of Austrians in Greenwich?

ME: All my friends are Austrian

MAGOO: I had no idea

Mr. Magoo had one, final question. Could we recommend a decent place to eat?

I pointed to a nice Austrian (Italian) deli right across the street, and told him he'd better hurry if he was going to make the 1:30 cut off time for the Whee Day lunch special.

With total belief and gratitude, Mr. Magoo wished us all a “HAPPY WHEEE DAY” before heading on his merry way.

Green Monkey Tales © 2010 Shannon E. Kennedy

photo's courtesy of Google image 
 King Ferka fantasy inspired by skyatdusk

Mr. Magoo and Cindy Lou Who visual,
daily support and comic relief
courtesy of Peg Curcio 
aka "Miss Pegged"

Mr. Magoo cartoon courtesy of youtube


  1. I would have liked to see the look on people's faces as Mr. Magoo told them the tale of Whee Day with a straight face, and the muffled comments ("is this guy with it?", "I wonder if he forgot to take his meds today?", "Is he really serious?")...
    Good job, as usual, Shannon.

  2. OMG, THAT is hilarious!!!!! I love it. I was actually LOL while reading it. I want to work at YOUR office. How do you keep a straight face through all that?

    We get those auditors all the time at my office for the clients. Love the Cindy Lou Who ones.

  3. I am gong to begin wishing people Happy Whee Day too!

  4. Thanks for always reminding me humor is alive and flourishing !

  5. Now that is hysterical. I was transfixed by this whole story. Wish you had photographed yourself:)
    Came over from SITS. Hope you are having a great weekend.

  6. Excellent! I also am curious about his audit report on your company. Will he comment on using company time to prance around in fishnets - or will he just keep that part mum, as his own secret "fantasy"!! Hee Hee!!

  7. This was very funny! I loved how you changed stories in the middle, it was like a carnival ride. Zig Zag this way and that type story telling.

  8. Thank you for your feedback! I'm so glad I didn't come off as too bitchy!

  9. That poor man. LOL Wish I could have been in the deli when he asked for the special. I would have probably choked on my sandwich.

  10. I know Jeff and even I felt a tad sorry for the man, and then Peg told me that the first thing he did when he arrived was ask to use the BATHROOM and then he didn't zip up allll the way!

  11. FANTASTIC! Once "the baby just woke up" is no longer a credible excuse, I'm going to start celebrating Whee Day... frequently.

  12. Really funny story. Loved the pictures! Especially the sheep in the back yard.

  13. OMG! I think I've just found my new favorite blog! That was hysterically entertaining. Dropping by from SITS!

  14. I never did like Mr. Magoo. Thanks for giving me something more to celebrate!

    Congrats on your SITS day!

  15. Dropping by from SITS. This is greatness! I'm a new follower

  16. *ROFLMAO* was there any fall out from this? I mean did the guy get back to the office and realize he'd been completely had?

    You definitely are one creative gal! happy SITS day

  17. Now I feel like I need to celebrate Whee Day. I've missed 37 of them already.

  18. Lol
    Tell me you're not joking about the auditor


Thank you for encouraging my JOY of writing. By reading and commenting you are feeding my soul, stroking my heart, and in the end...making me a better writer.

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing

Shannon E. Kennedy


Photo by Joan Harrison