I write in bed - propped up by a tower of down pillows and layered in 1200 count, soothing french blue sheets and a matching cashmere blanket. If I'm lucky my cat will curl up beside me, her purr synced perfectly with the tap, tap, tap
of my laptop.
Here, from my MacBook Pro, I journal, compose short essay, anecdotal blog posts, self imposed writing assignments, and attend to my memoir.
And sometimes, when I'm feeling flighty, I flirt with Facebook.
Facebook goes well with a glass of wine, husband by my side, and a sluggish night of television. Instead of leaving the room during golf, formula one racing, or baseball, I pacify myself with status updates, photo comments, threads, links, notes and video posts.
But lately, Facebook has been interfering with my morning writing ritual - especially now that my cat has become attracted to the roaming images that pop up during Facebook surfing. So much so that she curls up, on top of my keyboard, and stares directly at the screen.
This could only mean one thing... Phoebe wants her own Facebook page.
It seemed simple enough. All she needed was an email account (email@example.com) and a top-secret password (biggiefurballs).
She did, however, have to lie about her age. According to the rules of Facebook, you must be at least 13 years old. I explained that most women, at one point or another, adjusted their age, so Phoebe felt ethically comfortable rounding up.
After feeding information into her profile, I realized Phoebe's a lot more savvy than I gave her credit for.
She has a broad range of interests that include; fast moving objects, small insects, rodents, and Tai Chi (who knew!) and, apparently when we're not watching, she's busy hunting, fishing, birdwatching, and patrolling the neighborhood.
She has an opinion on politics, religion, health-care reform and pound puppies. She claims she reads books (highly unlikely) and watches more on television than just the Animal Planet.
We went through dozens of photo's before Phoebe found one that didn't accentuate her pouch. In this pose, she liked the way the blossoms highlighted the fresh while fur on her paws, neck, and underbelly.
Once live, Phoebe's first stop was YouTube. She found clips of crazy cats romping it up, mounds of animal humor, and her favorite "Cat and Dog Walking" - footage of this sultry kitty taking a walk on the wild side.
But Phoebe was missing one thing...friends.
Sure, I'd be her pal, but who else would be willing to friend a feline?
I began by approaching my daughter who abruptly informed me that I was a "looser." Annoyed by her dismissal, I wagered that by the end of a month, Phoebe would out trump her friend count.
My daughter currently has over 1,200 friends, so this could prove to be a bit of a challenge. But come on, we all know that I LOVE a challenge!
Would it be weird if I asked my friends to be Phoebe's friends?
What if I just asked my good friends, friends that won't judge me, and/or are slightly entertained by me?
After doing so, Phoebe's friend count was up to 12.
I started doing searches for screen names that began with the word "cat" or contain the word "cat." Assuming anyone with "cat" in their name would be open to befriending a cat, I feverishly sent out friend requests.
I was interrupted by a unassuming Facebook notification, asking if I knew these Cats
, which I blatantly ignored. Shortly thereafter, I was interrupted by a second prompt, this one warning me that soliciting friends you did not know personally could be considered spam
. Hell, I don't know half my Facebook friends personally, so I ignored this as well.
And then the unthinkable happened.
Phoebe got in trouble with Facebook!
Phoebe's Facebook account was frozen - for two days.
This was unacceptable in the world according to Phoebe. Anytime I opened my laptop, she was right there - pushing her whiskers into the screen and flipping her tail at me, as though it was my fault.
I started doing cat searches from my own account. Not only people with CAT or KITTY in their name, but I included those who listed cats as one of their interest. I then transferred this information onto a spread sheet for future reference.
When her punishment was finally lifted, I sent emails, instead of friend requests, to everyone on our cat list.
And then I waited.
After 27 hours, her friend count remained at 12.
Where were all these cats and why were they ignoring Phoebe's messages?
Further investigation turned up the following fact.
Cats are clueless when it comes to Facebook
Don't believe me?
Here's the proof...
But not Phoebe. Phoebe has it all figured out.
Even so, to date, Phoebe still has only
45 friends. At this rate, I'm going to be the never ending butt of my daughters jokes.
So, if you can find it in your heart to help a kitty out, please consider friending Phoebe on Facebook.
You can find her under Phoebe Fong
Although lately, I'm questioning her motives and wondering if this was a good idea after all.
Images courtesy of google image