Saturday, October 24, 2015

More About the Blindfold

A continuation of  Me as Mrs. Robinson

"I have scars," she said.
"Me too," he said.

And then he showed her his scar. A tiny, sliver of a scar just above his right eye.

"Dangerous spot," she said.
"I know," he said.

And then she showed him her scars--massive battle wounds across both breasts and her stomach, a chemo port scar, and numerous skin cancer scars across her forehead, neck, arms, and legs.

But before she showed him her scars, she blindfolded him. And then, just in case he peaked, she lowered the lights.

She placed a bottle of well-chilled, California chardonnay on her lips and sucked hard. And then she poured some down his throat. And then she turned up the funk.

Now... she was ready.

He was attentive. He was eager. And when she finally turned off her brain, she was present.

It was invigorating and it was powerful. But best of all, it was casual.

I am learning how to live on my own for the first time in my life.

I am learning how to have casual relationships with men, and sustainable relationships with women.

I kept his socks--black, ironman, crew length socks. I wear them sometimes when I'm feeling frisky. I like feeling frisky.

I only reached out to him once since our adventure and I was sober when I did it.

"Incase you're feeling weird about me being older, you should know I am the same age as Madonna," she said.

When I confessed this to my daughter she said he probably didn't feel weird about it until I brought it up. In hindsight, I'm certain she is right.

He showed me a picture of his post Burning Man haircut. Gone was his man bun. Gone were those wild, rockstar, playa dust, fussed dreads.

Gone was my wolf cub crush.

I am putting dating on hold while I focus on pleasing me. This is challenging for a women who craves male attention.

I still see George Clooney from time to time when he's not off doing whatever it is famous people do. He is attentive, and patient, and fun. He is casual.

A friend of mine is dying. After a 12 year battle with breast cancer, she is in the final days of her life. Her husband is by her side. She is letting go and he is clinging to her every breath. It is heartbreaking to witness and yet, I can't help but marvel at their love. It is a love that is complete, and pure, and so good. It is a love that will last beyond her death.

When I'm done with casual, I want that kind of love.

xo, MonkeyME


  1. Hey, dear...

    What an amazing time you must have had.

    Once upon a time in my formative years, I remember listening to Jimi Hendrix's first album... and he had this cool song, 'If 6 Were 9"...

    ... and in that song were some lyrics that lil whippersnapper me picked up on...

    "I'm the one that has to die when it's time for me to die.."

    I felt that gave me many freedoms as to how I lived my personal Life... I'm not going to say that I have not fucked up... because I have. But it was my Life...

    It doesn't sound as if you regret anything... and you shouldn't.

    I am sorry for what your friend is enduring at this time... bless her heart. It is wonderful that she has someone there with her that loves her so...

    At times, I think.. "I don't want to die alone...."

    but then at other times, I would be ok with that...

    Much Monkey Love to you...


    1. "If 6 Were 9"


  2. Good for you!

    I used to believe that people had one mode of relationship and that had to stick with it. Because people seem to advocate for one way to do things, to the exclusion of all others, you know?

    I think I'm starting to see that what people need in relationships is always shifting. I haven't wanted to be in a relationship for a long time, but that doesn't mean I won't want to next year.

    I hope you continue keeping up with where your heart is.

  3. is short, have fun, spend all your money...Live!

  4. I have been crazy busy with stupid things lately. Mostly wasting my life away. I'm so glad you stopped by to remind me to visit you. I was wondering what you had been up to and I see it has been quite the adventure. for that I am glad.

    Life should be a series of adventures, IMO, and when the adventure stops we really need to redirect. Thanks for the reminder.

  5. And you will have that love... I just know it.

    (And as my husband will tell you, I am never wrong.) :)

  6. I feel good knowing we are both single at the same time. I am single for the first time in my adult life, (married at 16). Burning man pushed me forward out of the comfortable misery of a 38 year marriage, two years of therapy helped too. A nice man I met along the way, taught me that love goggles make all of us beautiful to those who love us. I love you and so does everyone else who is worth a fuck.

  7. What a powerful piece of writing. Again. And what a powerful thing you are doing, putting yourself first--finding and celebrating the Monkey who is not defined by scars, or by men's approval. Thank you for continuing to share your amazing story.


Thank you for encouraging my JOY of writing. By reading and commenting you are feeding my soul, stroking my heart, and in the end...making me a better writer.

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing

Shannon E. Kennedy


Photo by Joan Harrison