Wednesday, May 9, 2012

NO means...


Somewhere between the hours of 2:00 and 4:45 AM, my husband of almost 10 years announced that he was leaving me. When I asked him why, he said, "I don't like the color green."

The rest is pretty fuzzy - something about kitchen tiles and shades of green. But his car is green. Why would he buy a green car if he doesn't like the color green?

I started to cry. I cried so hard that I woke myself up. And then I woke my husband up.

"Are you leaving me?" I asked.
"Yes," he admits.
"When?"
"Around 10:30"

I remember now. He is headed to Philadelphia in the morning. He and a friend are going to a baseball game and he won't be back until late.

Is that what prompted my dream? His day trip to Philadelphia? Or is it Christians dismissal of Anastasia in Chapter 17 of 50 Shades of Grey. It was the last thing I heard before drifting off to sleep (I have the audiobook version, convinced it would cure my insomnia).

I have allowed this ridiculous, poorly written, implausible erotica to take hold of my life.

I consider myself an open minded, adventurous women, but never have I imagined anything as wild as whats going on in the sadomasochistic "red room of pain." It's disturbing and above all, its HOT.

The thought of someone controlling me is sickening. Every time Christian tells Anastasia what to do I cringe. And how do you sign a contract that allows someone to "fuck you hard" without the ground rules of mutual respect and love (as in a marriage contract)?

In the world according to "oh baby Grey" NO does not mean no, NO means "nipple orgasm." 

Remember how I doubted them? Well, to my dismay, nineteen women have come forward claiming that their N spot is sweeter than their G spot.  I'd be quick to dismiss them if I didn't find 90% of them on breastcancer.org. Interestingly, most of them have dense, smaller sized breasts. It's as if breast tissue interferes with your ability to climax.

Many women worry their husband/boyfriend/sex slave will leave them when they lose their breasts. Is that what caused my nightmare?

"My doctors appointment is at 1:30" I remind my husband. "When you get home I'll be bigger!"

How many times does a man hear that? Today is the first saline injection into my new tissue expanders. The saline stretches the skin and muscle, eventually allowing room for implants.

It's been two months since my double mastectomy, two weeks since my revision surgery, and I'm finally starting to feel good, normal, happy, spry, and thanks to 50 Shades of Grey, sexual.

When I look in the mirror, I like what I see. My new, little mounds are adorable and now that I've had revision surgery, they are perfectly positioned. From here on in, all of my reconstruction decisions are exciting ones. First, how big do I want my foobs to be (full B?) and then, how will I adorn them - nipples or imbedded jewels, tattoo's that mimic areola or detailed works of art?

My scars reflect my courage. My courage inspires personal growth. And with that growth comes a more confident, more resilient, a more radiant me.

So what if it's too late for me to have a nipple orgasm. It's time to explore other erogenous zones, and number one on my list is my brain.

A Friends classic:


xoOHBaby where'd I put my
brown braided riding crop, MonkeyME


And while you're at it...
Blame it on Grey


"Sorry Mom, I forgot to send you a Mothers Day card, I was busy shopping for a brown braided riding crop."


"Yes, I know its way past midnight, but I want to listen to Chapter 18 one, more, glorious, oh baby time."


"Tell me again why there is a 5 year wait to lease a black Audi R8 coupe, TT, sedan, spyder?"


"I know you just had a baby, but please don't say, "Oh baby!"


"Red room" has taken on a whole different meaning!



xo,MonkeyMe


33 comments:

  1. You woke up and found him. That is a cheer.

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    Replies
    1. ohhhhh :( I know. I have 3 reoccurring dreams - my husband is leaving me, I'm smoking again, and I'm in a school but I can't find my classroom and if I do, I haven't done any of the reading, have no books and don't have a clue what is going on.

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    2. GAsp!! I have that dream too, but in mine, I can't remember my locker combination, oh but first I can't find my locker!!! And Chris Gillis is always standing next to me, shaking his head. Actually, that may be a memory....oy...

      Back to 50 shades of horrible, awfully, tritely, poor grammer-ly, tedium right up to the point of OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I am finding this book ridiculous. But it's paid for so I am reading, skipping ahead to the who-gives-a-crap-how-poorly-it's-written parts! And if I were to meet someone like Christian Grey, I'd run, screaming, down the street, then I'd sell tickets.

      xoxoxo

      MG

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    3. I know... I didn't like it until Chapter 17 or 18, when they finally entered the red room of pain. and the audio version is nauseating! It's like listening to lindsay talk about things no mother wants to hear. and I hate him! hate HIM!!! and then they go in that room, and well........... ohhhhhhhh baby, oh baby!!!!

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    4. try and count how many times you read "his grey eyes" or the color grey ... she'll latch onto adjectives and abuse the hell out of them. "lips pierced into a straight line" or something like that, was another one... but now I think I haven't heard it in 3 or 4 chapters...

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  2. I also blame, why I haven't been reading anyones blogs recently on Grey.

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  3. Shannon, your energy (and spunk) is returning!
    It is good to hear that things are improving...
    But, your opening was just plane mean! is that payback for the sad shit I write?

    Later;-)

    Wander

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    Replies
    1. LOL..... But thats how it is for me. It takes me days sometimes to get out of my dream. In truth, I was mad at my husband for half the day because he was leaving me in my dream. It happens so often that he's sort of used to it. Sometimes I don't even know its a dream.

      This is a classic example of that: DREAM ON @

      http://greenmonkeytales.blogspot.com/2010/05/dream-on.html

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  4. I'm sure I'd not be interested in Shades of Grey. But I'm glad it's doing you well!

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    1. no, you're much to interesting. I sooooo love your writing Em. more on this, but not here.

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    2. Actually, I think I'm much too gay. LOL!

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  5. I've gotten mad at boyfriends before for what they've done in dreams :-D Then I always used to dream that my ex was disappearing on me while I looked up, down, and all around for him, and then he DID disappear on me! Ha ha. Fucker.

    I'm glad you're feeling better.

    Mm...a little power play in bed. I love it! Still refuse to read that book, tho, I think I'll just experiment in real life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes, please don't read it HoneyB - you and Em, I was embarrassed to admit I was reading it but now that I've overcome the overuse of adjectives and the overall horrible writing, I'm hooked on how disturbing it is.

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  6. Wander is right-on, Shannon. You're back! What a great post. And despite the mean opening, it makes for incredible writing. I don't think I'm going too far out on a limb in saying that if you compile your 10-12 greatest posts (beginning with Kerry's wallet), you might just have yourself a memoir. Kick ass! And hooray for all of us who get to read more of your awesome writing.

    Your biggest fan,

    -Jay

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jay, Jay, Jay... its not that good. its not even that funny. I know you don't have time for the real short stories but I think The Mystery behind Room 408 is more deserving of your praise. And by biggest do you mean tallest?

      EVERYONE.....Jay is the one who turned me on to 50 Shades of Grey - so its all his fault! and he had to listen to me bitch about how terrible it was for 16 Chapters.

      Delete
    2. I didn't say this one was funny, I said it was great. As far as The Mystery Behind Room 408 (which I did read!), it was good. But it wasn't why I love your writing. What makes your writing special is your unique ability to articulate your feelings--your happiness, sadness, fears, insecurities, joys and passions--in a way so powerful that everyone who reads you either laughs, cries, cringes or gasps. You make us feel something that we wish we felt more of... or never again.

      And for the record, I didn't recommend 50 Shades. I simply asked if you've read it because everyone else seems to be. Like the woman on the subway this morning... who appeared to be on chapter 18 or so. Yikes.

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    3. True - you didn't recommend it, you shared the gush. not your gush but the gush of nimble readers.

      so, do you think its a good idea for me to write about my right to support my right foob with my left hand in public,to alleviate the pain? ewww.. new facebook status update!

      so grateful for your friendship rhino! basking in the praise from the other side of the river ~ MonkeyME

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  7. I don't think I'd like the audio version. Something about hearing someone else's climax just doesn't do it for me. But really, there is this crazy obsession with this series. It's Twilight all over again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you're right on about the climax sounds. that and the she doing male climax sounds, and all the different voices. BUT... I especially love listening to it in the car. The other day I drove home, dropped dog off and then went alllll the way back into town and when I got there I decided I didn't need anything in town so I drove back home.

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  8. Yahhy for Shannon 2.oohhhhhh baby :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Mark :) now to catch up on my blog reading!

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  9. I see now that your comment on my blog was referring to this post! Sounds like you're getting better and enthused about the times to come, good for you!

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    1. I seriously think I'm losing my mind. He's got two stainless steal balls and he's going to insert them into her but ...........where? why don't I have two stainless steel balls!!!!

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  10. Dreams scare me...

    I saw a story on a cover of 'Cosmo' not long ago... promising to tell women about all of the erogenous zones that men have...

    I called "bullshit" on that... we guys really only have one...

    If'n you know what I mean... :oD

    You sound GREAT, sweetie!!!

    ~shoes~

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    Replies
    1. thanks ~shoes~ you guys are so less complicated!

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  11. OK, I'm further into the book, and I am amazed, AMAZED at the feelings, the warm and quite intense, and SQUIRMY feelings certain scenes are causing me to experience!!!! And I kind of love that Mr. Grey has a "lopsided grin". Aw.

    Oh, baby is right!!!!!

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    Replies
    1. funny, I don't remember his lopsided grin. what chapter are you on? did you get to the metal balls yet?

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    2. Oh baby I'm just getting to the negotiation portion of our ...... ahem ..... program!!!!!!!

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  12. I really must get that book. So glad you're feeling better Shannon.

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  13. First visit.. And I love it here :)

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    Replies
    1. thank you Vixen! love the name vixen :)

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  14. you be HAP-nin!



    Warm Aloha from Honolulu
    Comfort Spiral

    > < } } (°>

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  15. Love your style! maybe we can follow each ohter?:X

    FashionSpot.ro

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Thank you for encouraging my JOY of writing. By reading and commenting you are feeding my soul, stroking my heart, and in the end...making me a better writer.

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing
greenmonkeytales@live.com

Shannon E. Kennedy

***

Photo by Joan Harrison