Wednesday, December 5, 2012

GRUMPY TOAD

Excuse me while I rant a bit, but as much as I enjoy writing, the submission side of it SUCKS ASS.

No wonder we writers are insecure.

It's the first Wednesday of the month which means it's time to link my insecurities to the INSECURE WRITER'S SUPPORT GROUP. Honestly, I wasn't going to participate this month because what good is it? We get a few more followers and a few more readers who visit once or twice, and most of the time we never see them again. And this whole process of politely commenting and following is exhausting and it takes away from my actual writing time. And yet... I cannot forget that through the INSECURE WRITER'S GROUP I found some amazing people who also write and I love their words and their spirit.

I've decided to highlight one of them because her luminosity is invigorating...


Em, please tell me what to do? You're brilliant and clever and all things publishable - surely you most know!

I am so stuck. STUCK, STUCK, STUCK...


Last night I had a dream that I died without being published. And as part of my punishment for not getting out of my own way long enough to get my work read and accepted and turned into a best selling memoir - I came back as a toad. A big, green, slimy, slippery, TOAD - with no voice. No "ribbit" not even a gulp. And none of the other toads would talk to me because... I had no voice.

I have an "agent" who does NOTHING. Absofuckinglutely NOTHING! And when I try to do the work on my own - submit to a writer's submission services such as Writer's Relief, they won't take my work because it has appeared on my blog. MY BLOG. MINE, MINE, MINE!!!

Here lies the catch 22. I develop my voice on my blog. If it wasn't for my blog I'd have nothing clever to write about. So I write about it and some of it is pretty fucking good, but if I show you I can't submit it because it's here, on my blog. That's BULLSHIT!!!


And while I'm at it, let me say that this picture is NOT FUNNY. It's not funny, it's not clever, and worst of all, it's in poor taste. Sure I'm jealous. She is, after all THE WINNER OF THE WRITER'S 2012 SHORT-STORY CONTEST, but nothing about resting on train tracks is appropriate. For the record, a picture of a person pointing a gun at their head is also not funny. Nor is a person with one foot off a 40 foot cliff... (I'll stop there, but you get the message).

And yet it worked because DAMN IT I fell prey and clicked on "find out more."

I joined opensalon.com - a writers version of facebook. It's exhausting and it loads at a snails pace, but I tried posting my work there hoping to get read enough so that the editors will notice me and publish me at salon.com.  That's the carrot they dangle in front of you. But most of the writers are fucking geniuses, and it's intimidating and I don't even feel comfortable commenting. And after 6 posts, still ... I'm invisible.

So what the FUCK is an INFLAMED INSECURE WRITER to do? Seriously. Someone please whisper me the secret to successfully submitting your work? Do it now. Do it before I run out of time.

Because we're all going to die one day and no one should have to return as a mute toad.



Incidentally, this grumpy fuck's species is called RED FOWLER TOAD. Fowler... One of my dearest friends in the world is also a Fowler. Maybe that's a sign. Maybe things will all float on okay...

21 comments:

  1. I am so glad you stopped over and left a comment on my blog, cause it got me back to yours.
    I'm hooked.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ohhhhh thats GREAT Hilary. I think we are both "odd ducks" :)

      Delete
  2. I feel your pain, Grumpy Toad. It's so hard to get noticed in this big world jam-packed with a gazillion others. And you're right about Em -- "luminous" is the perfect word for her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, too, Debra. So nice.

      Delete
    2. I have to get past this somehow... leap onto something more ...productive. I have to keep reminding myself how happy I am when I create something - writing or otherwise.

      Delete
  3. I love this, you made my day. I feel your pain, but I also believe your voice needs to be heard. Don't give up.
    -K

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm also a grumpy toad. But hey, even if you can't ribbit, you can still give them the middle finger. Yes, I actually googled that shit: they have 4 fingers on their hands,but 5 on their feet.

    So go on, give them the middle toe!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA!!!!!!! you googled it!!! you're fabulous and clever and i would be honored to share a lily pad with you!

      Delete
  5. The best revenge is just to write on your blog and forget about all of them. I've been published and usually a copy editor ruins your work. Just keep posting here and you are being published and edited by the best editor for you...YOU!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Aw, thank you! That was a nice thing to see in the midst of the disaster that's currently occurring in my world. :P

    I've a couple of ideas, actually, you know I've got those if nothing else. (Can't guarantee they're good ones.) They involve encouraging you to plan on self-publishing and not worrying about anyone else's opinion. I'll e you. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you Em. must keep my ego on the back burner and focus on my joy of writing. by the way... (rant, rant, rant) I visited 12 IWSG links and NO ONE came here. I think I'm going leave the group. this time on my own terms

      Delete
  7. I can't believe they won't consider it since it's on your blog!

    Just inform them when you are published and a best seller, you will rub it in their face...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :)))))))) yep!!!! crazy looms that they are

      Delete
  8. Why the train tracks? That is so weird. Maybe it's a rural thing? Yeah... still don't get it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you Juli! I agree. this stuff really bothers me

      Delete
  9. Funny--I just typed up a post on how much submitting sucks. Sent out five submissions Monday night and recieved four rejections by 10:30 the next morning. I sometimes wonder if agent even read the submission you send in or if it comes down to the luck of the draw. Keep on swimming. So long as you don't give up it'll all turn out peaches in the end!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I guess I don't understand. I just don't give a shit if I'm published. So it's hard to relate to the particular frustration, and yet I KNOW frustration, so I guess no matter what the shape, frustration is always the same color red. I hope you get what you need Green Monkey. And when you do...let me take a better photo of you than that woman on the tracks. It is so lacking in imagination, it's hard for me to imagine what she could have written about that is so fascinating!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Writers have lots of options these days. Try a new one. Go out on your own. Hire an editor and self-publish. Don't die with your stories locked inside of you because the traditional route failed you. Go. Create. Inspire!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for encouraging my JOY of writing. By reading and commenting you are feeding my soul, stroking my heart, and in the end...making me a better writer.

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing
greenmonkeytales@live.com

Shannon E. Kennedy

***

Photo by Joan Harrison