I am standing at the doorway waiting for the cat to come in. It is almost midnight. I am dressed in a long flowing gown. It is not a formal gown, it is a night gown. It is spring but it is early spring and the temperature tips towards frigid.
I am standing at the doorway, in my flowing night gown, with bare feet, make-up smudged and hair askew. I am gripping a half empty glass of wine as I call for the cat...
Phoebe Fong (cat has a last name), you know it's dark. Nothing good happens in the dark. Come inside NOW or I'll..."
The cat is bold and defiant. I have no sure-fire way of luring her in and she knows this. If I cut out her treats she'll punish me by meowing relentlessly. She'll never be more than two feet from my side and she'll wake me before dawn by sitting on my chest and terrorizing me with her eyes.
I am 53. I have no idea how or when I became a slave to the cat.
I am standing at the doorway, in my flowing night gown, waiting for the cat and aching for New Orleans. It has been one week since I danced their dilapidated streets. New Orleans haunts me. I imagine myself poised at the entrance of a funky town house in the Warehouse District accompanied by tall, exposed brick walls, towering windows and wood rafter ceilings - all buttered in beams of sunlight.
Two weeks before I left for my road trip to New Orleans, my oncologist sat me down and told me that I needed to learn to live my life without fearing or focusing on cancer. Two days later a routine skin exam warranted five biopsies. All five biopsies showed cancer.
I hate the C word.
Depending on how you look at it, you might say I'm lucky. They caught the cancer early just as they caught my breast cancer early.
Even so, the C word is stuck in my head. It swirls around my New Orleans pipe dream and ambushes my reality.
Two of the cancers are melanoma's. Melanoma is the most dangerous type of skin cancer. If it is limited to the epidermis, the outer most layer of the skin, and if it doesn't come back and spread, I have a high chance of survival. Survival rate is one of the things cancer survivors store in their mental file box, along with biopsy results and treatment options.
Two of the cancers are melanoma's. Melanoma is the most dangerous type of skin cancer. If it is limited to the epidermis, the outer most layer of the skin, and if it doesn't come back and spread, I have a high chance of survival. Survival rate is one of the things cancer survivors store in their mental file box, along with biopsy results and treatment options.
Today, I am on the other side of surgery. I am standing at my doorway, rocking my surgical gown. The sun is shining. The trees are bursting with blooms and the sky is a crisp, stone-washed denim blue. The barn swallows are back and I laugh as I watch them swoop the cat.
I am high on vicodin. I am in minimal pain. After surgery number 7, I am once again, cancer free. I am reminded that all we have is now.
I am high on vicodin. I am in minimal pain. After surgery number 7, I am once again, cancer free. I am reminded that all we have is now.
xxxxxxx Monkey Me xxxxxxx
For more information on skin cancer visit: American Cancer Society/skin cancer
Lovely post. Cute picture of the kitty. May you have rest and healing. No more C word!
ReplyDeletePlay off the Page
thank you Mary.
DeleteDamn C word! My honey sees the skin doctor very often as he has history with this. I have a complete skin check done once a year and hope that more people consider doing the same.
ReplyDeleteI am held hostage by horses, donkeys, dogs and chickens. Be glad you only have the cat.
oh I'm pretty sure I'm a slave to the two dogs as well. they've got me cooking for them. something I rarely do for the two legged people in my life.
Deletelove the visual of you surrounded by all the animals :)
Sorry to hear about the melanoma but yes, let's hope that it's LUCKY operation #7. Cats rule the world, the internet and us. At least that's what my cat HRH tells me.
ReplyDeleteCats really do rule the world! Phoebe is still mad at me for not taking her to NOLA.
DeleteUr words in this particular blog mesmerized me.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that u are experincing so much in ur life.
U are in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care my friend.
thanks Miss Stormy - the words sort of mesmerized me too... I was in a weird, detached mental place when I started writing. It almost felt like it was someone else doing the typing. that might sound strange, but the voice was not mine.
DeleteHoney.... I had no idea.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm so glad you're on the other side now. So glad you're living in today. And thinking you should live your dream in New Orleans if there's any way...
I agree! but I'd want to be in New England for the summer. Thats the tricky part. And I don't want to be in New Orleans without my husband. what to do, what to do...
Deletexoxoxo
ReplyDeleteMG
xoxoxo GM :))))))))))
DeleteFuck Cancer!
ReplyDeleteBe well!
FUCK CANCER!!!! ahhh... I feel better now. Thanks Yolanda!
DeleteIt's actually the name of a charity. Learned of it on Jay Leno the other night when the star of "Arrow" was talking of his role with the charity, because of his mother's breast cancer. It seem apropos in so many ways, but especially for all you've gone through -- I couldn't think of anything else more fitting!
DeleteI do hope you are feeling better!
Thank you so much for telling me about Fuck Cancer! I love the site and have sent them a request to hold a fundraising event.
DeleteYour oncologist shared some wise words. Glad the surgery is a done deal, and I wish you continued good luck in kicking cancer's butt.
ReplyDeletethank you Blissed! catch it early without overly focusing on it. it's a balancing act.
DeleteYour best story so far girlfriend! Good work :) Love ya! Mykee
ReplyDeletethanks ....???? Tracy ????
DeleteAh carp! I haven't been back here in awhile and this is the post that greets me. Life has to be about living, every single minute we get. Leave the rest alone, it will come soon enough. Sending you good thought and clear sailing.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what life throws at you, the cat is still in charge.
ReplyDeleteI am amazed every time I come here.
By your life, but also by your ability to pull off a writing style I can't pull off. If I tried the repetition of "I am standing in the doorway," it would come across as forced and annoying.
Damn you.
thank you Katy! you know, if you were high on vicodin...
DeleteAh, you may be held hostage by that cat (aren't we all) but you will not be held hostage by cancer even though it threatens to sit upon your chest and howl. May you be dancing in the streets again soon. I love your writing.
ReplyDeleteShannon:
ReplyDeleteFirst about the C Word! I'm like farawayeyes in the above comments. For some strange reason I haven't stopped here in WAY too long, but seeing your comment on my blog just now reminded me to get my butt over here. And I read about another GD C in your life!!??!! I can't freakin' believe what the universe has thrown at you. So, if I'm reading your post correctly, you HAVE had the surgery, and all is well again?
Now about your writing in the post: It's beautiful, haunting, touching, amazing, flawless, perfect, stunning....and....I can't stop re-reading it! You are my hero!! Love and hugs, Bec
love you, monkey on!
ReplyDeletelove you, monkey on!
ReplyDeleteGreat post. Cats have a way of making us slaves and cancer is very, very scary. But you are cancer free yet again so yay!
ReplyDeleteAloha Shannon,
ReplyDeleteDude-ette, I seriously live in awe of your strength.
I'm sure everyone's said all the normal, good stuff, but you ROCK.
And YES! to the latest battle won - and I hope it's your last surgery (until you decide your arse is too flat to the ground :)
Don't mind a bit of monkey business. Don't mind a bit of cat business either. I've got two myself. I do mind the C word. It's running in my family and I'm dead scared of being next in line. I know, it's a selfish thought. Luckily the sun is shining and we're all still here, right? :)
ReplyDelete