Saturday, May 17, 2014

Belly Down

Silent Lake by Arbebuk

It was the final stretch of winter when chemo ended. My body mirrored the spindly twigs of barren, river birch branches. 

Overexposed, vulnerable and weak - I rest, belly down, in silence.

For months I forged my way through murky water not knowing what hid on the bottom. Through it all my inner circle was fierce but like any absurd, tragic memoir, there was betrayal.

Karma will take care of the bottom feeders - the people that tried to capitalize, emotionally and financially, from my suffering.

I never saw it coming and I'll never know how to defend or deflect it because my heart and mind doesn't work that way. This is a side effect of soaking in a steady stream of goodness.

If I wrote fiction I'd tell you about a mature "mountain woman" - a mother of two grown girls who selfishly beds a man knowing his wife is battling cancer.

If I wrote fiction I'd tell you about  a women who struggles to bring peace to a man who has shown his weakness time and time again. Forgive... Release... is her mantra.

(She wants to punish him.)

If I wrote fiction, I'd tell you about the business associate who deliberately attempted to deceive and coerce clients - the bread and butter of her business - away from a women in the pit of her anguish.

He lost. Shot himself in the foot. It is a slow bleed. He is bleeding still.

But I don't write fiction and I don't like casting myself as a victim, so I have no stories like that to tell. 

Today the air is heavy and moist. And I am here with you. And I have missed you.

All the ridiculousness that is cancer is behind me. I am free.

Celebrate with me!

xo, MonkeyME

My Fuck Cancer - End of Chemo Party
With Trombone Shorty and Friends at The Capitol Theater
Port Chester, New York


  1. Hi Shannon,

    Somehow I knew that you were suffering... I am so glad to see you emerge like the phoenix from the ashes of disaster. I wish that there was a way to celebrate with you in person, but we are so far apart and we know each other so superficially...

    Really, words are failing me. I am so profoundly happy to see this post that I am not even sure its content matters to me.

    Congratulations, and namaste.

    Your friend, Ed

  2. You are awe inspiring. Congratulations on finishing your treatment. And the poor guy with the bleeding foot? Too bad, so sad. :)

  3. That is a beautiful and peaceful photo.

    This is a beautifully written blog.

    I have followed u on Facebook and seen ur happy moments with ur grandson, Jackson.

    And I saw the potential reunion of ur husband.

    My hope is that things will all work out for u my friend.

    And I am so happy to hear that u are cancer free. A "second" battle one.

    U have some "storytelling" in u. And I look forward to reading all those stories to come.

    Each "writing" seems to define "who" u are and it encourages me so very very very very much.

    I have been hoping and praying u would be healed. And so it seems God does answer prayers.

    I'm sorry for ur pain and suffering. It seems u triumphed in the end.

    A puppy has rescued me. His name is ProfessorAlex. He is quite the survivor himself. God had him waiting for me. My Buttons passed on February 3rd. ProfessorAlex was rescued and fostered January 21st just when I was losing my precious Buttons. He stayed with his foster mommie, Scarlett, until February 28th. When God knew, I could open my heart to another pup. He gave me time to grieve. But in the wings he had another puppy that desperately needed to be loved and cared for. Professor has had an awful tragic life of abuse, neglect and starvation. But now he is very loved, will never go hungry or homeless even in the event of my death I have set him up with a new loving mommie whom I would trust with my life and financially he is set. I love this little fella so much. But the reality of it is that he rescued me. We belong together.

    I saw how very very very much ur baby has grown. Wow--the pic of ur husband and ur rescued pup.

    So joyful to hear that u are doing so well. That was music to my ears.


    StormyDawn "Gumshoe" Marples and ProfessorAlex

  4. Can't quite capture how good it is to see you celebrating. But it is so good. ~Catherine

  5. Holy Cow! No, I'm not calling you a cow :-) I was surprised to see your post so wanted to say Welcome Back. I'm too tired this evening to write more....but I missed you and glad you're well.

  6. Yay! I am so happy you are here with us. You have been missed.

  7. GM, so glad to see you feeling well enough to write again. Fuck the bottom feeders. No time for them when the real enemy is cancer. Continue to fight my friend; don't let the bastard get ya.

  8. This was a great post to find in my in-box today! I'm glad to see the Green Monkey back :)

  9. So happy to see that the Shannon we all know is returning, better and stronger than before. (((HUGS)))

  10. I'm so glad to see this post! I have been thinking about you and hoping you were kicking cancer's butt. Sorry about the betrayals you have encountered, but it sounds like you are rising above the nastiness and celebrating the goodness. That really is the secret, isn't it! I hope you keep feeling stronger and have a beautiful summer.

  11. Party on! It's good to have you back and fierce as ever.

  12. Let's dance!!!!




    So glad for your freedom!

  14. SO GLAD to see you back here with your Monkey You intact and in fine fettle after finishing chemo. what a victory! and I love, Love the Fuck Cancer party photo. any of those t-shirts for sale?!

    much love,

    Karen xxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooooo

  15. You did it!!!! Love your Fuck Cancer party! Some people suck... BUT you did it girl!!! Fuck those assholes. You did it!!! And that is all that matters right now.


Thank you for encouraging my JOY of writing. By reading and commenting you are feeding my soul, stroking my heart, and in the end...making me a better writer.

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing

Shannon E. Kennedy


Photo by Joan Harrison