Tuesday, April 21, 2015

WHAT I SEE



I am alone, blissfully alone. My home is filled with fresh cut flowers - gifts to myself. I write from an empty, oversized bed. It is plush, and cozy, and lovely here.

My bedroom is my favorite room in the house. It is spacious, and whimsical, and oh so inspiring. Tall ceilings and a spiral staircase lead to an open loft accentuated in skylights. This is my creative space. My sewing machine is here and mounds and mounds of faux fur. And fabric that stretches and bounces and sparkles. And paintbrushes and paints, and books on painting, and sketching, and etching. And beads! Tiny, grains of honed, semi-precious stones. And baubles that only make sense to me.

In front of me is a deck dotted in pansies, and tulips, and ivy, and all things spring. I have a new, turquoise blue, patio umbrella. My old one was brown. Now, no matter what the forecast, I am guaranteed a brilliant, blue sky.

Just beyond my deck is a willowy old riverbed and thanks to April showers, it is fed, at full force, by a magnificent waterfall - a steady source of relaxation and rejuvenation.

For the first time in my life I am without a man - without my father, without my son, and without a husband.

I am untethered.

I am fueled by three little words... I am done

From the moment I released those words, nothing else mattered. Not what he did or didn't do, not the pain, or the disappointment, or the rage, or the regrets.

I am no longer the victim. I am the victor.

There are a few things missing. Things that had nothing to do with me. Things that were gently used - golf clubs, tennis rackets, guitars, mounds of baseball caps and unscuffed sneakers.

Weird stuff is missing too. Gone are all the secrets, those dirty little secrets.

I gave away my television and the desktop computer that was the catalyst for much of our demise. My noise of choice is now music. Today it's a funky, jazz, techno beat that syncs with the sizzle of a gentle rain.

I am focused on me - on me being healthy and happy.

I like pulp in fresh squeezed orange juice.
I like lime green vases bursting with white hydrangeas.
I like wearing bedroom slippers.
I like who I choose to spend time with.
I like where I live.
I like what I do.
I really like my new, turquoise blue umbrella.

I like me.



xo, MonkeyME



31 comments:

  1. I like you too - LOTS!!! This is a GREAT POST! love you bunches!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ahhhhh RARAKAT!!!! love you MORE!!! XOXOX

      Delete
  2. Your Pen is Powerful, keep writing 💚

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :))) SOOOOO appreciate the encouragement JQ...you superstar you~

      Delete
  3. Congratulations. Glad you're happy. Enjoy your happy health!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Myrna! I have been wondering how you are doing and what you are up to. I am MIA in the blogger world. Thank you for stopping by.

      Delete
  4. I am in the same situation...I can be me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :)))) like minds stick together :) and you're doing so well! I'm so happy for you.

      Delete
  5. It's great to read your words again.

    This makes me want to take inventory of what brings me joy, too...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Katy. I have been trying to write at night because mornings are very busy. The words don't flow the same but I'm trying.

      Delete
  6. Sometimes alone is good. Happy to hear you happy!
    ~D.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. it sure is new for me Dee. thanks for stopping by!

      Delete
  7. Love this, love you. Keep embracing your spirit, keep open, keep being you.

    xoxoxooxoxo

    MG

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yep, yep, yep.... just monkeyME, swinging through life.... happily

      Delete
  8. I like you too. :) And blue umbrellas.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. how are you Juli! thank you for checking in

      Delete
  9. It's lovely to be an independent woman who is living her own life as she pleases! Congrats!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. it does feel good ~ I made it through a big storm the other night. lightening, heavy rain and winds, thunder. I had to be strong for the dogs. normally, I would hide under the covers.

      Delete
  10. Replies
    1. Ahhhh.... thank you for reading Carolina! I hope your family is well. It's been a long, long, time.

      Delete
  11. Walking in the park, I find my self - walking in the park. Playing old recordings of my life, seeing old places anew and new places - I find my self. Being within the domain of at least one barred owl, I hear my self listening to the absence of bird call - for whooo would announce their self to a predator? Walking, home from work in the rain; I forgot my umbrella.

    I love to see your writing, Shannon. It inspires me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank YOU Ed. I love to see your writing :)))) I wish we lived closer, I'd walk with you.

      Delete
    2. Yes - geography can be such a hassle. But it keeps things from happening all in the same place... and time helps keep things from happening all at once. Perfect.

      Delete
  12. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  13. It is entirely possible to be MORE LONELY with someone, if they are the WRONG someone, than by yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I longed for pictures .....but I am trying to imagine your space, and the beauty of it.
    Sounds like you are just fine.

    ReplyDelete
  15. dear Shannon,

    so, so thrilled that you have created your Happy Place! not just in your home, but in your heart and soul and mind and body.
    I loved reading about it all - and how they all compliment and reflect YOU! I need to do many of those same things, for different reasons, but still...your writing, with such palpable jubilation and contentment, inspires me to tell myself - get going!!!
    what are you waiting for??? thanks for that.

    much love,

    Karen OOXOO

    ReplyDelete
  16. Shannon, your description of your space inspires me to freshen up and brighten up the office-hobby-sewing-reading-room where I spend much of my time. It's so important to like ourselves and be comfortable in our own company! I wish you only the best that life has to offer.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Shannon! You inspire me to make my creative space lighter. So good to see you penning again. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  18. Lovely photos, and the freshly squeezed juice looks so refreshing.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for encouraging my JOY of writing. By reading and commenting you are feeding my soul, stroking my heart, and in the end...making me a better writer.

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing
greenmonkeytales@live.com

Shannon E. Kennedy

***

Photo by Joan Harrison