Wednesday, February 24, 2016

My Match

I spent most of the winter searching for a cabin in the Catskills. My main motivation is Sasha, my 95 lb Bernese Mountain dog. She is my faithful, loyal companion and she deserves to roam without the restraints of a leash, the confines of property lines, or the bustle of traffic.

I found a fabulous cabin. I knew from the moment I walked in that we were a perfect match. So I made an offer, it was accepted and then the cabin failed the inspection.

I am disappointed but I know eventually I will find my great escape. It will probably require some work to get it exactly the way I want it, and that is hard to do when you have limited funds and no repair skills other than knowing how to hang a picture. So I joined an online dating site in search of a tall, handsome, contractor.  

I joined ZOOSK under the name MonkeyIncognito.  I picked this site because, I see "ZOO" and "SK" (my initials). It MUST be a sign.

I posted a picture that reflected my personality.

And I answered their questions honestly. 

I am not perfect. I am not 26. I am fiercely independent. I am outspoken. I am competitive. I am a tad compulsive (passionate?). 

I like these things about me. 

Music is important to me. Expressing my creativity is important to me. Living a healthy, intuitive based, spiritual lifestyle is a top priority. 

I like wine and I don't care that my dog sheds. I have learned to tolerate cats.

I only exercise because I want to live longer. I like ranch dressing on salads. 

I am living alone for the first time in my life and I am enjoying it. But I'd love to find someone to do things with when I feel like doing something other than being alone.

I don't have a TV. I'm a good jumper. 

Once, while walking down Fifth Avenue at lunch hour, I dismissed a woman begging while breast feeding her 7-year-old son and then gave $5.00 to a homeless man with two obedient shihtzu's, two cats, and a bunny. I'm not proud of this. 

I think I'm funny, but I'll let you decide.

You should be able to post a picture of yourself other than a mirror self image. If you have eyes, please include them. If you have teeth, please smile. If you own a shirt, wear it. I can't see myself traveling to Jersey for a date nor can I imagine myself dating anyone over 60. If you are obese, broken, desperate, lazy, addicted to porn, drugs, alcohol, or gambling, then we are not compatible.

We agree to meet. You show up. I can recognize you from your online pictures. You chew with your mouth closed. You make me laugh.


So far only men over 60, from Jersey, have responded. Most are wearing sunglasses.

xo, MonkeyME


  1. My wonderful massage therapist and I were discussing online dating yesterday. I strongly encouraged her to try it because she has an ongoing attraction to the wrong men. Here's to nice men recognizing lovely women who deserve respect. I love the idea of a cabin in the mountains. I could easily live there, except that I would miss the ocean. :-)

    1. honestly, I pick cabin in the mountains over man between the sheets.... wait...

  2. Your last line cracked me up! Wishing you the best of luck in finding a great guy.

    1. I wish it wasn't true. :) Thanks for reading Deb!

  3. I agree with Debra She Who Seeks. You always crack me up, too. You have the best sense of humor, views on life, gentleness although wickedly strong, outgoing...but maybe sometimes shy(?) I hope I can travel to your part of the world one of these days, Shannon!

    1. Thank you Becky. I am shy. How did you know!?! and, hell..... I'll meet you half way!

    2. I'm not sure how I knew about your shyness....must be my ESP that travels through Blogsville :)
      You are so sweet to offer to meet me halfway! THAT just might be possible...Let me get back to you. What months, weeks are you available??

  4. Shannon, you are so funny. I totally get why you chose that photo, but I'm not at all surprised that you're not getting great responses. Maybe you should seek out a building-skills class? Two possible benefits--learning something and meeting someone.

  5. Hi there. you are very funny... i was smiling the whole time I was reading this entry.... And the name: "MonkeyME" HAH!!!

    Well, I am not over 60 and certainly not a man from Jersey.... I am 39 and a girl from Florida who also likes to write and make people laugh...

    Look forward to your writing Green Monkey!!! LOL!!!


    ~ shadowfire ~


Thank you for encouraging my JOY of writing. By reading and commenting you are feeding my soul, stroking my heart, and in the end...making me a better writer.

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing

Shannon E. Kennedy


Photo by Joan Harrison