Wednesday, February 24, 2016

My Match




I spent most of the winter searching for a cabin in the Catskills. My main motivation is Sasha, my 95 lb Bernese Mountain dog. She is my faithful, loyal companion and she deserves to roam without the restraints of a leash, the confines of property lines, or the bustle of traffic.

I found a fabulous cabin. I knew from the moment I walked in that we were a perfect match. So I made an offer, it was accepted and then the cabin failed the inspection.

I am disappointed but I know eventually I will find my great escape. It will probably require some work to get it exactly the way I want it, and that is hard to do when you have limited funds and no repair skills other than knowing how to hang a picture. So I joined an online dating site in search of a tall, handsome, contractor.  

I joined ZOOSK under the name MonkeyIncognito.  I picked this site because, I see "ZOO" and "SK" (my initials). It MUST be a sign.

I posted a picture that reflected my personality.


And I answered their questions honestly. 


TELL US YOUR STORY:
I am not perfect. I am not 26. I am fiercely independent. I am outspoken. I am competitive. I am a tad compulsive (passionate?). 

I like these things about me. 

Music is important to me. Expressing my creativity is important to me. Living a healthy, intuitive based, spiritual lifestyle is a top priority. 

I like wine and I don't care that my dog sheds. I have learned to tolerate cats.

I only exercise because I want to live longer. I like ranch dressing on salads. 

I am living alone for the first time in my life and I am enjoying it. But I'd love to find someone to do things with when I feel like doing something other than being alone.

I don't have a TV. I'm a good jumper. 

Once, while walking down Fifth Avenue at lunch hour, I dismissed a woman begging while breast feeding her 7-year-old son and then gave $5.00 to a homeless man with two obedient shihtzu's, two cats, and a bunny. I'm not proud of this. 

I think I'm funny, but I'll let you decide.

WHAT IS YOUR MATCH: 
You should be able to post a picture of yourself other than a mirror self image. If you have eyes, please include them. If you have teeth, please smile. If you own a shirt, wear it. I can't see myself traveling to Jersey for a date nor can I imagine myself dating anyone over 60. If you are obese, broken, desperate, lazy, addicted to porn, drugs, alcohol, or gambling, then we are not compatible.

WHAT IS YOUR IDEAL DATE: 
We agree to meet. You show up. I can recognize you from your online pictures. You chew with your mouth closed. You make me laugh.

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So far only men over 60, from Jersey, have responded. Most are wearing sunglasses.


xo, MonkeyME




9 comments:

  1. My wonderful massage therapist and I were discussing online dating yesterday. I strongly encouraged her to try it because she has an ongoing attraction to the wrong men. Here's to nice men recognizing lovely women who deserve respect. I love the idea of a cabin in the mountains. I could easily live there, except that I would miss the ocean. :-)

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    1. honestly, I pick cabin in the mountains over man between the sheets.... wait...

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  2. Your last line cracked me up! Wishing you the best of luck in finding a great guy.

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    1. I wish it wasn't true. :) Thanks for reading Deb!

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  3. I agree with Debra She Who Seeks. You always crack me up, too. You have the best sense of humor, views on life, gentleness although wickedly strong, outgoing...but maybe sometimes shy(?) I hope I can travel to your part of the world one of these days, Shannon!

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    1. Thank you Becky. I am shy. How did you know!?! and, hell..... I'll meet you half way!

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    2. I'm not sure how I knew about your shyness....must be my ESP that travels through Blogsville :)
      You are so sweet to offer to meet me halfway! THAT just might be possible...Let me get back to you. What months, weeks are you available??

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  4. Shannon, you are so funny. I totally get why you chose that photo, but I'm not at all surprised that you're not getting great responses. Maybe you should seek out a building-skills class? Two possible benefits--learning something and meeting someone.

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  5. Hi there. you are very funny... i was smiling the whole time I was reading this entry.... And the name: "MonkeyME" HAH!!!

    Well, I am not over 60 and certainly not a man from Jersey.... I am 39 and a girl from Florida who also likes to write and make people laugh...

    Look forward to your writing Green Monkey!!! LOL!!!

    ;)

    ~ shadowfire ~

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Thank you for encouraging my JOY of writing. By reading and commenting you are feeding my soul, stroking my heart, and in the end...making me a better writer.

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing
greenmonkeytales@live.com

Shannon E. Kennedy

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Photo by Joan Harrison