Wednesday, August 1, 2012

IN security




OH.... no you didn't! How does this happen? Oh damn, I know how it happened. UGH... this is the worst, the absolute worst thing that can happen to a writer.

I've been kicked out of the INSECURE WRITER'S GROUP. 

This is as bad as it gets. I so deserve to be in this group. They didn't even warn me. They excommunicated me when I wasn't looking. Damn them! Damn me!

Oh... I've got a plan. I'll play the PINK CARD. Damn it, where did I put that pink card? I can't find it.

Okay, never mind, I'll beg...

Oh Dear Holy Father of Toad, Masterminds of, Puppeteers behind, the Insecure Writers Group... forgive me for I have sinned. I have forgotten to post on the first Wednesday of the month. I am flawed. I am not proud. Please give me a second chance. 

(flip side of a Gemini)

Did no one tell you I'm recovering from breast cancer? Have you not been reading MY blog? Did you not even bother to look at the pictures? I've got a whole section on it here - CATSTIR the other C word that rhymes with Dancer. And Sunday's post was my version of Show and Tell, or TMI. Did you miss the Monkey ME post too?

Okay, no worries. I forgive you. Shit happens. Let's move forward. Let's focus on getting me reinstated. I need that membership more than I need a pink ribbon. Do what you can and do it quick, ok?

In the meantime... I've hooked a new reader and she's reading a LOT of my posts. Thank you new reader (you know who you are). Her reading me has prompted me to read me and I'm convinced that most of what I write is CRAP. Okay, some of it is still okay, but a lot of it is CRAP (I love saying CRAP). What should I do about that? Keep writing, right?

In the process of me reading me, I was reminded of a fellow writer, a once upon a time follower, who would comment, kindly. I went back to her site and discovered she's even more brilliant now then she was then. And she's finished several books. And I'm still whimpering. Pathetic little monkey I am.

She drinks coffee in the morning and wine in the evening (I've been doing it all wrong). She writes humorous, romantic fiction (is there such a thing as humorous, romantic non-fiction?) She's adorable, in her sassy blonde do. And now, without further ado, let me introduce to you, Talli Roland.


Oh... I'm sorry. Did you think an interview would follow? I don't actually know her. I just read her. Thats the thing about some bloggers, the more you read them, the more you think you know them.

It's not like I think I have wine with her. Or share a kitten with her. I don't know where she lives, exactly. She won't tell me. I could stand on the streets of London and wait for her to drive by in her chartreuse, convertible mini-cooper, but THAT would be creepy, RIGHT? I can't decide.

OKAY... lets pretend I'm talking to her.

Hi Talli! Is that your real name? How many kittens do you have? Have you ever been asked to reset Big Ben? Do you love it in London? How often does it rain, really? Do the drapes match the carpet? Was that too personal? Did I cross another line? How do you know when to put the cup down and when to pick the glass up? Could you explain it to me, S L O W L Y. Are you mad at me for snagged your photo? Should I put it back? Love, MOnkeyME

I wonder if she'll respond.
I wonder if they'll let me back in the group.
I wonder if there really is a CAT OLYMPICS?

I can't get enough of Her Royal Highness. If you don't know her, or about Debra Who Seeks, you simply MUST seek her out. She's very witty and wise and whimsical and... (need more "W" words), whippersnappercal!  AND, she reads me. And, I read her too. And, so should you. Go do it. Do it now. Do it before the pole vaulting begins.

By the way...

Last night, after several bowls of wine, I did a front pike somersault and a full-twisting double dismount and landed right on my head. And STILL I remembered its the first Wednesday of the month. Time for my INSECURE WRITERS GROUP post.  A group I'm no longer part of....

Oh no, woe is XO, MonkeyME


Thank you google search, to photobucket, for that great insecurity picture.
(the last thing I need to do is piss off google, or photobucket, or the internet powers that be)




66 comments:

  1. YOU KNOW.... I can't tell if I'm funny unless you comment!

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  3. Hehe! Okay, I'm commenting and you are damn funny. I can't wait to see if Talli responds as well, she's a nice person. No stalking, though. I think everyone needs to put in a good word for you to come back. ;)

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    1. ohhhhhh THANK YOU Mel (me alter ego). Please put in a good word for me, wait... go a step further... offer sexual pleasures. do it. do it before the winter games begin. monkey hugs and sincere gratitude... ME

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  4. Okay, wait....I need to read this again because I got lost somewhere along the way. I'm going to get my huge glass of iced tea and come back in a little while. I promise. Some days I have the attention span of a gnat. I blame it on post-menopausal brain fade.

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    1. blame it! don't own it! (I need to get that on a bumper sticker). I blame it on the anesthesia. This post is confusing, I admit it. Now... where is my wine.......

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  5. I vote for your immediate reinstatement to the IWSG! And thanks for the shout-out. Her Royal Highness is thrilled that people are interested in her quest for Olympic Glory!

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    1. just promise me you'll keep her away from those asian badmitten wearing kittays~

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    2. ooops... "bad mitten wearing kittays"

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  6. Dear insecure writera group,

    It is taking all that is within my power to not write you a belligerent, curse-word-laden flame of a letter. For all that is holy, please reinstate this woman!

    I am now going to subscribe to Green Monkey's blog. You folks should read it sometime. I'm at the edge of my seat to read Talli's response, and also to resolve the order of operations riddle regarding coffee and wine.

    Regards,
    Quinn Tinkerton

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    1. "rad red rasish" ...funnier than the cream colored Kardashians!!!
      thank you for subscribing. and reading, and offering to polish my chrome (that was YOU right?) ....

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  7. Kicked u out of the group. How rude!!!

    Write from the heart. "Anne" of Anne of Green Gables could not get published until she wrote about what she loved and knew. Write from the heart.

    I have a lot of catching up to do. Reading--

    I look forward to ur future writings.

    I have a reading list that pops up of the people I want to keep up with. It does not show me as a follower but I get notified when there is a new blog.

    Funny u should say what I have been thinking. Thinking u know people (bloggers) by what they write even though u have never met them. I feel this way about a few of the bloggers I read. Identifying with them.

    Remember we just need one reader that reads us. One is all we really need. U have several.
    U r blessed.

    I will comment soon. I sent u a reply to "My First Time" I don't think I will continue that story on the blog. I can't. It is just too personal. I'll let it end where it is. But I will tell u the ending of that story via an email.

    I am working two 18-hour days. Yesterday and today. So I will comment on Thursday evening. I have 12 bottles of wine in my fridge not one has been touched. Gifts from friends. I really need to work on my wine tasting.

    Promise me if u can we will work towards meeting at the Voo Doo Festival in 2013. So I can look forward to meeting u, Mark and all ur New Orleans' friends.

    P.S. I loved ur story. The one u emailed me.



    Both our lives read like stories but they are true.

    StormyDawn

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    1. glad you liked that Stormy ~

      I don't know how its possible to keep 12 bottles of wine in the fridge, unless, of course, they're empty...

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    2. Err....

      If they are empty, they don't belong inthe fridge... :op

      ... unless it's Ripple... or Mad Dog... or my personal favorite... Night Train.

      ~shoes~

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    3. It does not take much to get me intoxicated. Pretty much one drink and I am giggly, giggly, giggly--

      So there they sit chilled just waiting staring at me in the refrig. Once, my workers were wanting wine and broke. I went home on break and got a couple bottles of wine. And, of course, we did not drink any until after work. Uh uh uh--

      Naw, not the cheap stuff.

      The wine is usually presented with flowers and sometimes truffles since I invite my dates over for dinner.

      I am a romantic. Candlelight dinners, cuddling on the couch, that kind of stuff.

      However, I keep it real. I like to drink out of jelly jars. Hahaha--

      If they do not realize, how down to Earth I am they soon do.

      I have found that I like coconut Vodka. I am such a virgin when it comes to drinking.

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  8. Maybe they kicked you out because they know you are awesome. Or maybe because any woman who posts her noobs over the internet couldn't possibly be insecure in their eyes.

    Or maybe they are just asshats.

    Whatever. Rest assure though, what ever group you're in or not in, I will still be here. (Just not always home at noon to comment promptly)

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    1. I think I once they see my noobs, they'll change their mind 00

      or once they read about my flaws they'll change their mind...

      one can only hope :)

      (seriously, they're wonderful, I didn't post for 2 first wed of the months, I ducked up)

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  9. I have a good feeling about your reinstatement to the writer's club. If it doesn't happen, start your own!
    -Silver

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    1. if I start my own can I be QUEEN ????

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  10. Shannon...monkey shines ...yes the demon monkey took over and stephan was not there to write it out of you.........

    Wander

    Here is a good one for you,
    I stopped at the Bare Naked winery and asked for a bottle of cab...told the very cute girl helping me that it was to be a gift bottle. She replied " it is called penetration, and penetration is always a good gift" and smiled

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    1. is that a true story.... let me google it.... wow, it sure is! brilliant marketing!!!

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    2. I know right!!!

      And from what I heard it was very good penetration ;-)

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  11. Too funny! Yeah, I guess it's pretty bad when you get kicked out of an insecure writers group. Good luck getting reinstated!

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    1. (I just reinstated myself... hope I don't get caught)

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  12. You are on the link. I just found you there. I'm a new follower from the group. Man that post was hysterical.

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    1. Ciara, shhhhhhh.... I just put myself back on. I was in the upper 100's once upon a time. I don't know if they'll kick me off again. They won't right?

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  13. I'll tell you what it is...

    By reading your blog lately, they have noticed that you are NOT insincere, but instead, one of the MOST sincere writers... does that get stuck in your craw? :op

    I LOVE that poster with the padlocks on it!!! As soon as I saw that, I thought, I KNOW WHAT THAT IS!!!!

    There is a foot bridge across the Main River in Frankfurt... and couples in Love either get locks inscribed, or write their names and such on them... and they are allowed to padlock them to the bridge, signifying their undying love for each other. After securing the pad lock, the keys are thrown into the river. How romantic!!

    The bridge is the Eiserner Steg bridge...

    :o)

    ~shoes~

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    1. Clarification: Frankfurt, Germany...

      ~shoes~

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    2. oh you... YOU and those red shoes! of course I'm attracted to that picture and of course you know what it means... :)

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    3. Oh romance. Luv it. It is just a wonderful feeling to let people u know love them. Now, I wanna see this bridge in Frankfurt. That was romantic. Padlocks and throwing the key in the river. I saw the sweetest thing the other day. It was so simple but so loving. An older couple walking their dog, and she had her arm hooked in his with her hand testing on his arm. His other hand was placed on top of her hand. And the way they looked at each other and laughed. I want that kind of love. Sigh---

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  14. I'm here, I'm here! Sorry not to make it over sooner - usually a Google alert pop ups.

    I'm sorry you got kicked out, yikes! But thank you so much for your kind words. For the record, I have 101 kittens, I reset Big Ben every 27th August, London rains only once a year, and my curtains are magenta.

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    1. That is just too cute Marsha. Smile!!!! Happy I was awake to see u commented and answered Shannon's questions. Just adorable.

      Nite nite everyone.

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  15. It's so true about feeling me know people from following and commenting on their blogs. It often surprises me when I remember I've never actually met some of the people I consider to be friends. (I bet if you rejoin the IWSG Alex will give you another chance. I've not met him either, but I'm pretty sure he's a nice guy)

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    1. (yes, I put myself back in there. hoping Alex won't notice I'm a repeat. MUMMMMMS the word)

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  16. Wow - that was a whirlwind post. And there I was trying to multi-task by watching the men's beach volleyball at the same time as reading... I quickly realised my mistake!

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    1. did you happen to see the women's ping-pong? it was CRAZY!!! CRAZIER than this post! :)

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  17. Love it when posts make me smile. And this one sure did.

    If there's a vote, I vote you be reinstated in the IWSG.

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    1. thank you Myrna! I vote myself in as well :)

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  18. Wow. Getting kicked out of an Insecure Writers group.

    "We, the insecure writers of the internet, have collectively decided we don't like you and/or your writing. We've all just been too insecure to tell you until now."

    When I get my "Arrogant-As-All-Get-out" Writers Support Group going, I'll drop you a line. The problem is, I don't know how many other writers are good enough to be in a group with me.

    But when it gets going, we'll all get together to laugh and point at the insecure writers.

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    1. please DO Katy! I soooo want to be in THAT group :) I'm going to get a manicure now so I'm ready...

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  19. Shannon--I left u some video clips of "Anne of Green Gables" on my Facebook. They are for u and ur writing. I hope the movie/book inspires u as much as it has me over my lifetime. Anne was a writer. Anne wanted to be published. I hope u will take the time to watch the whole movie one day. Get the version with Megan Fellowes in it. It is awesome. I think I might watch it this evening too. I have watched it well over 100 times. I luv this movie. I want a "Gilbert" in my life.

    StormyDawn

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  20. Well, apparently you've been reinstated, and look at all these comments. You have your choice of new readers to stalk now. (I"m available for stalking on Mondays and Wednesdays, but I don't have any kittens. Will a gecko do?)

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    1. ewwww gecko. fabulous~ and I know its friday, but I can't wait til monday. I've been seeing your purple eye EVERYWHERE!

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  21. Well, what a post. But by now you know you're reinstated, and I stumbled accidentally onto you while randomly selecting visits from the IWSG list.

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    1. I too stumbled onto you. I was attracted to your first name (bet you hear that a LOT).

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  22. LOL - I did the same thing - signed up, forgot to post, got kicked off the list. But I didn't have as good of an excuse as you. I simply forgot. I have a blog notebook now with a calendar to schedule my posts so that doesn't happen again. Apparently Alex has forgiven me.

    Loved your post. :)

    IWSG #179 (At least until Alex culls the list again. :P)

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  23. I think there should be a cat Olympics, it would be far more entertaining than the human one! I think you should try grovelling next, I'm sure you'll be allowed back in :) x

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    1. but there is, there is Althea!!!!

      check out the latest from HRH at the London Olympics:

      http://shewhoseeks.blogspot.com/

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  24. good post! happy weekend Shannon

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    1. thank you Ashok! will do, will do... and happy back at you!

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  25. As far as writing groups go, I always follow Groucho's rule: "I'd never be part of a group that would have me as a member." You're better than they are, their loss, our gain! Keep on blogging in the free world!

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    1. Marty!!!! I love hearing from you :)

      now, as far as Groucho's rule.... since they don't want me, doesn't that make the group even more desirable????

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    2. Ha ha ha! I think you're right!

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  26. You silly monkey, you are a member whether you want to be or not, the great YODA in the sky has decided to make your insecurities known to the rest of us in Bloggerland...I believe in monkeys...I do :)

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  27. This post made my day. Glad your back in the group.

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    1. Thanks Stephanie, this time I'll try to follow the rules :)

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  28. See, no worries. They have reinstated your awesome insecurity. Perhaps you can now use your persuasive powers in the political arena and actually get something done?

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  29. I like to be entertained. I'm going to read that post again.

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  30. I found you on the Blog Hop and I am so happy that I did. I am looking forward to getting to know you and following along.

    Have a wonderful day!

    Roe

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  32. Note to self: when trying to make a good first impression with comments on a fellow IWSG's post, remember typing is much easier when you're not licking the inside of your wine glass dry.

    Ahem, let's try this again. Oh for cute you silly monkey! I...I really...need more wine.

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Thank you for encouraging my JOY of writing. By reading and commenting you are feeding my soul, stroking my heart, and in the end...making me a better writer.

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing
greenmonkeytales@live.com

Shannon E. Kennedy

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Photo by Joan Harrison