Wednesday, March 7, 2012

PRIDE



The first time I felt pride in myself  was when I stood on the Junior High School auditorium stage and delivered a passionate speech about why you should vote for me for Student Council treasurer.  I wore a blue gown and curled my hair.

I won.

The second time I felt pride in myself was when i stood on the High School auditorium stage and gave a rebellious speech about why you should vote for me for Student Council Vice President. I wore ripped blue jeans and carried a large green stick (long story).

I won.

My next two moments of pride came at the birth of my children.  A few more flashes of pride came as I crossed the finish line at the New York City Marathon.

In between all that were days when I would coast.  Days when I would arrive half empty, or exit prematurely. Days when I, for whatever reason, lurked in the shadows.

But not March 5th, 2012.  On this day, I faced the darkest of all demons.  I wore nothing. I closed my eyes, and put all my faith in the power of love.

And I won.



My body is challenging me to learn, grow and blossom.  To keep my heart open when facing my fears.

My body is healing.

I have never felt more loved.

I have never felt more beautiful.



xo,MonkeyME



"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." ~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross



60 comments:

  1. You're one of the bravest ladies I know! Thank you for you :)

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    1. thank you Lisa. I'm still trying to figure out "brave"...so far it feels more like bold but I'm striving for brave!

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  3. I love this post and I love your beautiful, awesome, brave picture. You are such an inspiration to me. I once saw a woman with one breast riding topless in the critical tits parade; her pride moved me to tears. I feel so honored to witness the pride and grace you have displayed. I love you and am so happy to see your picture, your sweet face, your survival. I can breathe a little better now.

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    1. I love you Inky!!!! yes, I really, really am going to be fine! even I believe it now :)

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  4. You are loved Miss Shannon :) You are one of the most beautiful people I know mind, body and especially soul. xoxo

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  5. I can't tell you enough what a rockstar you are. A rockstar, warrior, humorist, motivator and inspiration. Not to mention one badass honey badger. We love you, Shannon!

    -Jay & ZOC

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    1. I am, I am, I am a badass honey badger!!!!! now, where is that cobra!

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  6. You are beautiful, brave, and LOVED.
    Love you Shannon! Wishing you the best in your healing going forward.

    xoxo Camille (aka Cameezy)

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    1. ahhhh Cameezy fo Sheezy. YOU did an excellent job spinning tunes in the OR! although it was hard to keep still. Love you! xoxo

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  7. I already KNEW that you must be knockout gorgous, and this pic is just one more confirmation.

    Vicky [from bc board]

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    1. this is like a test... never considered myself "gorgeous" but now with this magnificent chest... I am rethinking it! xoThanks Vicky!!!

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  8. now... where are my child birth pictures?

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  9. So Brave. Brought tears to my eyes Miss Shannon.

    (And I am still working on your gift... I seriously can not believe that I can not find the key piece to it...GRRRR!)

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    1. relax....no stress no fuss! I have to catch up on your world!

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  10. You are a beautiful woman. And very brave.

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    1. thank you Dazee! I think being weird helps

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  11. Shannon I got through your whole post and then hit the picture and started crying...

    you are an amazing woman...

    Wander

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    1. Wander as for you crying... its only fair, your words regularly create tears for me :) xoxo

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  12. I am in awe of your amazing strength, courage, and beauty. You are an inspiration.

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  13. You are beautiful! So glad you are home and writing. You are amazing!

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  14. You're an amazing woman. You're a survivor. You will beat this...Sending prayers your way.
    -1osugrl

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  15. Dear Shannon, the power I felt emanating from this post was purely inspirational. holy shite. I'm sorry I can't be more eloquent right now but... thank you for sharing and allowing all of us to witness your journey. Among your other titles that have been mentioned here, add to it "Teach er". I love you! and I Believe (even more now ) in the Power of Monkeys xoxox Love, Dustbunny

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  16. I must admit...I peeked!!! WOW!!! you are one brave badass!!! Happy healing girlfriend!!

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  17. And I worry about my grey hairs..

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  18. your courage is a true gift you have given to me and to many today. thank you. I mean it. you have empowered me in a new way. I proceed with less fear. Bless YOU


    Aloha from Waikiki
    Comfort Spiral

    >< } } ( ° >

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  19. speechless again....you are truly amazing. You have just transcended writing .....

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  20. My beautiful brave Monkey, wow, what courage and strength you possess!! I have tears and goosebumps right now!!!

    xoxoxox

    MG

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  21. You have such strength and courage. I wish for you peace in your healing. I can tell from everyone's comments, you have deep love and friendship in your life. It is worth so much and I can tell by your words how much you cherish it.

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  22. Holy sh-- this is a powerful blog.
    I don't know what to say. I wish you all the strength in the world.

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  23. Now you can do anything. This is your birth picture. You're my Hero or heroine or something. Oh! you look beautiful. I kid you not.

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  24. Echo above ..this is your birth picture...you are beautiful and the world is your oyster...go kick some pearl ass...you freakin' warrior.

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  25. You're beautiful and brave and wonderful and strong and definitely a winner. So glad to see you.

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  26. You may just be the bravest person I know.

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  27. Hurray for you! We're all proud of you too! Heal quickly now because the rest of your life awaits you.

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  28. You are not alone in this journey. There are many of us here, traveling the obstacle coarse that breast catstir has forced us on. Thank you for clearing the path and holding the torch that lights the way for others who will soon go down this road. You are beautiful and brave.

    Breast catstir dot org / LintRollerDerby

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  29. You are one very brave lady, stay strong, and what a special post for International Women's Day!

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  30. Wow Monkey! You constantly amaze me. This gave me shivers down my spine. I am so glad fate let me meet you. Love always.

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  31. Shannon; It's Vicky from the "Catskir" board again. [my bmx was feb 27th]
    I came here yesterday and commented on your beauty in your posted photo. I was and am totally sincere.
    Only minutes later I began thinking about my granddaughters reaction when she saw me shirtless the other day[ gross gramma! I'm eating!"] and i posted on the board about my sudden self-consciensness about my body.
    I explained that I have been a nudist for many years, am a member of both AANR and a nudist resort in our state[ Mountain Air Ranch, Colorados Fanily nudist resort. www.trynude.com]
    I have always estolled the joy of self-acceptance and knowledge of beauty in everyone t that often accompanies the naturists' thinking.
    I started thinking about my granddaughters' comment. Then I started thinking about the fact that I run the ice cream shop at the resort and wondering if people would bop into my shop for ice cream, see my chest [particularly shocking because of the hematomas]and run from the storefront in nauseated disgust.
    I HAVE NEVER FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE.
    I posted my fears on the 'catskir' board, and begged for anyone to respond.
    noone responded. I cried myself to sleep for a few hours, then came back to your blog and looked at your picture again.
    I was struck again by your beauty. But there was something else. I couldn't put my finger on it but you looked extraordinarily familiar. I couldn't figure out who, or even why I was straining to remember who you resembled.
    I went into the bathroom to change my drains[ still have them, but the flow is finally slowing down] and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirrror.I started laughing.The woman in the reflection could have easily been the slightly older [ i'm 57] sister of the adorable little monkey I had been studying online.
    The woman in the mirror then remembered, that, just like the monkey, she was beautiful.
    Thank you Shannon. I am no longer frightened. In fact I am EXCITED to get up to MAR and open my shop. I am now looking forward to sharing with others the journey that accompanies my new type of beauty. YOU ARE MY HERO!
    Vicky

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    1. WOW!!!!! That is the most amazing affirmation I have ever seen in my life! I am proud to be a witness to this beautiful woman's journey, but to see how Shannon's experience touched you Vicky, is even more affecting.


      xoxoxoxo

      MG

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    2. YES.... I have another sister!!!!!! Vicky, I'm here for you. and YES, I'd love some ice cream! (((((love))))))))

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  32. Damnit. You made me cry again! I am so proud to know you! You are living your purpose. You are touching so many lives.
    You are beautiful. You are shining!
    Jesse

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    1. YOU taught me how to shine Jesse xoxo

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  33. Wow. I was already thinking the phrase that I see two comments above. You are my hero.

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  34. You won, and you are teaching others how to win. I love the quote you posted above: "Beautiful people do not just happen." Beauty and strength radiate from you.

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  35. Shannon

    I am in awe. Your post, your photo and the quote are all beautiful. You absolutely qualify as a beautiful person.

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    1. Bev, as SOON as I get these drains out I'm meeting you at Rory's. They're impossible to hide. It's like I've got 4 mini milk jugs attached to me.

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  36. *Hugglew*

    Yes, sweetie, you HAVE won!!!

    What a post... I don't cry often... but...

    *sighs*

    ~shoes~

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    1. ahhhhhhhh Shoes! ((((((((i miss you )))))))))

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    2. I'm always close by, sweetie...

      :o)

      ~shoes~

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  37. Wow, Shannon....way to go! So glad you are home, feeling well and so strong! You really are amazing and so inspiring. Keep writting your way to complete healing <3 love ya , Barb

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    1. ohhhhh THANK YOU Barb!!! xoxo I'm a good healer. Ask Pappy!

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  38. God bless you, Shannon. You are a rock star!

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  39. Shannon. They took my drains out yesterday. They were still draining alot and the doc said there is about a 50% chance I'll need the things on my chest drained but that he was concerned about infection if left in any longer. I had NO IDEA how LONG those suckers were. When they were pulled out id did hurt, but only for a couple of seconds. I don't know if it was because the drains were out or that I FINALLY got a script for muscle relaxers, but last night was my best sleep in 2 weeks. BTW, are you getting the pms' I'm sending on the catscare board? I would like to post something quite personal and I would like to make sure that you have been receiving them.
    Vicky

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    1. Hi Vicky... I am pretty sure we connected but if we lost it let me know and I'll do my best to get us back on track. HOW ARE YOU!!!

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    1. I feel the same way about you Ben. and I love the MONKEY you drew me, but I must question what he is doing with his right hand (not that there is anything wrong with self gratification!)

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Thank you for encouraging my JOY of writing. By reading and commenting you are feeding my soul, stroking my heart, and in the end...making me a better writer.

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing
greenmonkeytales@live.com

Shannon E. Kennedy

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Photo by Joan Harrison