Thursday, October 7, 2010


Burning Man is a lot like intensive therapy.  During my week in the desert I subjected myself to a bevy of spiritually profound, enlightening, uplifting experiences.  I battled deeply rooted fears and insecurities.

I returned joyous, content and deeply fulfilled.

I was living in a puffy bubble of  PINK.

Everything was wonderful, life was grand, and I was the BOMB!

Until.... a not so news worthy story caught my eye...

The HBA Global's Positively Beautiful Awards 

Now, instead of settling in to write about my life altering experiences, I'm back in the pit of my belly, exposing yet another one of my BAD ATTITUDES.

This one involved Christie Brinkley.  

This photo of Christie was taken in September of 2010.

Let me start by stating the obvious....  She is tall, thin, trim, taut, BLOND, with impeccable taste, and grace. She is breathtakingly GORGEOUS!

Now, let's take a closer look...

Flawless complexion, sparkling blue eyes, radiant smile, fabulous locks.   Pure perfection!

Oh, what I wouldn't do for those cheekbones.  If only my mother had given me good bone structure. (yes, I blame mother).  Instead, I have a high forehead, a horsey overbite and a weak chin.

I remember my mother telling me, over and over again, "Shannon, there is always going to be someone prettier, so stop comparing yourself."

Yes, its true, I spent a big part of my youth comparing myself to beauty queens - focusing on my flaws and in the fruitless pursuit of perfection.

And I realize that, with each passing day, my skin will continue to wrinkle, fade and sag.

But NOT Christie Brinkley.  

Lets pull in, just a bit closer...

Call me petty or call me crazy, but this is NOT the face of a 56 year old woman.  I know because I stare, vacantly, at the reflection of a 51 year old woman daily.

I don't care about her gene pool, how often she exercise, or what she eats.  This is some sort of scientific breakthrough.  Someone, somewhere, has found an anti-aging miracle drug or procedure and they're keeping it top secret.

It can't be about lifestyle choices, with 3 failed marriages and one, very messy, very public, divorce, this beauty has had more than her fair share of personal drama.

Surgery? Injections? Lasers? Fillers? Peels, scrubs, exfoliators?  All of the above? 

Perhaps it's the 24-carat GOLD anti-ageing treatment I've heard so much about.

Living in an affluent area, I am surrounded by pampered women with endless supplies of time and cash and access to the best Park Avenue doctors, yet none of them look like Christie Brinkley.

This photo of Christie, set me over the edge.  Perky breasts, tiny waist and

ZERO under arm giggle. 
This is physically impossible! 

I know what you are thinking... her photo's have been altered and/or the lighting was just right.

Well, here she is in natural lighting, unposed, checking out the U.S. Open, AND drinking a Guinness!

Guinness...really???  Christie Brinkley drinks Guinness?  Was she setting her golden locks in it? I don't think so.  Her sweater has fallen off her shoulders and her hat is tilted a tad too much, proof that she's sloshed.

Here she is again beside the talented actress Edie Falco.

Who, by the way, is 10 years younger than Christie.


I'd be willing to "grow old gracefully" if we were all on an even playing field.

Here she is with a real pony, trying to copy one of my Burning Man outfits.  And is that a crop in her left hand? Why Christie, you naughty girl!

I think a purple bow on a pony is redundant and sorry, but your belt does NOT match that adorable dress and the cuffs are overkill.    (yes, its true, I'm oozing in pettiness)

So tell me Christie Brinkley, and I'll decide if its worth it, WHAT IS YOUR BEAUTY SECRET???

Until then.... I'll keep my bad attitude hidden behind a team of moisturizers, exfoliators, brown spot eliminators, pour minimizers, firmers, lifters and plumper -  all available at your local, neighborhood drugstore.

Green Monkey Tales © 2010 Shannon E. Kennedy

Photo by Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images North America



here is the catch boys...

once you go Christie, you can't go back! 

Billy during Christie 

Billy after


  1. I think she drinks litres of wheat grass juice. I am busy growing mine right now and should be able to harvest in 8 days and hope to start reversing the aging process. Will let you know if it works in ten years, when I turn 52. ; ))

  2. well thanks for sharing Alice!!! I'll be waiting :)))))

  3. Who cares. She can't keep a husband around to save her life.

  4. Aw, did you have to point this out to me right after my birthday?

    Now on top of all my wrinkles, I'm also green with envy at Christie's youthful mysteries.

    Guess I'll have to go back to my mantra: beauty is within, beauty is within...

  5. Shannon, you've just moved up 6 spots, into the top 3, of the funniest people I know. -Jay

  6. I think she has a portrait of herself hidden away in an attic. This portrait is horrifying to look at though.

    It's the only explanation!

  7. Off her website: She also excels as an artist, writer, photographer, designer, actress, philanthropist environmentalist, and political activist.....oh, and she speaks fluent French. Just saying.

  8. Loved the Christie Brinkley snark. And the photos LOL. This woman is 56??? Are you kidding me???

  9. WHAT.....!!!! WHAT.....!!! no, no, not WRITER... say it isn't so Sam.

    Number 3's no longer good enough Jay. With my luck Christie, will add "stand up comedian" to her list of accomplishments.

    and you can't really blame the husbands, imagine always walking in the shadow of such a beauty (it would be fabulous, right guys)

    I knew I could count on you Cheryl, to give me an excuse to break into her house. It's the only way I'll figure out her secret.

    Sorry, Myrna... nothing worse then being reminded of how old you are on your birthday. Say... thats a great smile you've got and I really like your sweater!

  10. I'm willing to take one for the team and marry her to find out her secrets. It could take a lot of research, but I will THOROUGHLY exam all the source material for the answer.

  11. I thought that writer part might tweak your attitude.

  12. oh Shannon, stop wondering... send her an email and ask her how much is 2+2 or make her write back with a poem or a short story or with a deep analysis of the current world situation... that's the secret!! That's her job: no stress, stay young and beautiful and fresh and gorgeous and... and... and... (this is me bitching up) ;)

  13. OJ.........LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!! HYSTERICAL. this you bitching up side is BITCHIN!

  14. With all due respect to OJ, an email just won't do. I think Sam and I need to pay her a visit. (Of course, I'll push Sam off the stoop and into the bushes after ringing the doorbell so I get a crack at her first.) -Jay

  15. LOL....... "crack" at her......LOL!!!
    alright, I'll order you 2 up some super sexy black garb and meet you down by the river on the eve of the first 1/4 blue moon. NO...wait, on the eve of the first 5th friday of the month.. no wait...

  16. Hmm, I'm going to have to watch this Jay. He's a tricky one. I thought Shannon did the cracking with her crop. Oh wait, Christie has a crop, too. Hmmm. Now Jay, there is plenty of perky Christie to go around. Let's share. Do you want the North or South end, first?

  17. One word Shannon: Photoshop! That Billy Joel bit at the end made me spit out water! Hilarious! Billy got hit with the old age stick pretty hard. Obviously he didn't take his own advice: "Don't go changing..."

  18. I am convinced that she drinks human blood or has sold her soul to the devil in exchange for perpetual youth. She IS AMAZINGLY beautiful and youthful looking. I think she is a vegan.

    BUT!!!! I bet you she has never twirled flaming batons while topless in the desert during a dust storm? And must I mention, you looked rocking hot while doing it, so apples and oranges.

    You are hilarious, and beautiful, two of my favorite things. You are not hard on the eyes or your husbands looks, even though I know you ride him pretty hard, he still looks mighty tasty too!

  19. Pinky ~ you're so right, I've got fire twirling!!! and thats right I was rockin' it in the dark, in the middle of a dust storm. :)

  20. Maybe she sleeps in an oxygen "coffin" :)
    She is amazing looking for any age, but bet she's not a fraction as funny or interesting in person as you are...

  21. Being a HUGE Edie Falco fan, I always think the most beautiful women are the ones you see in any grocery store.

    Edie Falco has expression. Christie Brinkley -- while, yes, quite beautiful -- has money to fill in the lines that are supposed to be there. The lines that say we've lived life under no uncertain terms and by our standards.

    We've loved, we've lost and we've been fraught with every anxiety and issue known to mankind.

    If the average woman has lived the way Ms. Brinkley has, it would indeed show.

    Give me Edie Falco any day. I'd rather have the expression of a life lived than the lack of expression of a life lived with the money to cover it all up.

    And who the hell wants that? Okay, granted, perhaps some do otherwise we wouldn't be commenting on this with all our fabulous and differing opinions.

    However, I'll happily keep my wrinkles around my eyes and my forehead and find a way to make peace with them -- I wouldn't trade them and the life that brought them to me for all the Botox my face can hold.

    Great post that gave pause and consideration -- always love stopping by to see you, my fellow Irish blogger! Hope this finds you happy and well rested!

    Peace and serentiy,
    'The End Of The Rainbow: Life After Bankruptcy'

  22. you are all so wonderfully brilliant and kind.

    okay, well..whatever it is...if any of you find out, please let me know. I'm the kind of woman who FLAUNTS her Grandmother status so people will think I look AMAZING for my grandma age.

  23. Hi Shannon! I missed you and your posts while you were out prancing topless in the desert!! :)
    You are one awesome, daring woman! And as far as Christie Brinkley goes....I say she is one of the few Hollywood celebs who actually found a fabulous plastic surgeon! She doesn't look fake, but she really more ways than one! :D

  24. A year later, this question about Christie....

    but can she type?


    PS. Love the line about copying your BurningMan outfit...

    PSS I thought this was going to be a real secret, like the undereye magic stick you had in the tent.....


  25. I bet she can't spell, either...and I bet her special someone does NOT have a doctor jacket with HIS name embroidered on it!! no need to be jealous!!

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Thank you for encouraging my JOY of writing. By reading and commenting you are feeding my soul, stroking my heart, and in the end...making me a better writer.

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing

Shannon E. Kennedy


Photo by Joan Harrison