All Aboard!

"All Aboard" - the trademark phrase of jazz trumpeter extraordinaire, Kermit Ruffins.  

We are on our way to New Orleans!  

We'll be under a week long spell of flamboyant, frivolous, fun.

We arrive in time for the Saints game.  The stadium is in walking distance from our home away from home, The Lafayette Hotel, on St. Charles Avenue.  Managers Kerry and Geishla will be waiting for us. They treat us like family.  We love everything about this hotel.  It is unassuming, quaint, charming, comfortable - but most of all, personable.

There will be plenty of pre-game and post-game parties along the way - so we'll need to pace ourselves, and peruse the neighborhood.

Monday and Tuesday is reserved for real estate hunting with Eric Bouler.  We would love nothing more then to call New Orleans our home.  Until then, we are going to visit as often as we can.

Wednesday night there is a free concert at Lafayette Square Park, next to our hotel.  We'll be catching the Blind Boys of Alabama - living legends of gospel.

Thursday night its Bassnectar  - a freeform electronic dubstep artist we were introduced to at Burning Man.

Friday begins the Voodoo Experience, a three day music and arts festival held in City Park, New Orleans, Louisiana.

The Voodoo fest is known for blending high profile artists, from all genres, with local favorites.

This years headliners include:  Soundgarden, The Raconteurs,  My Chemical Romance, The Original Meters, Fatboy Slim, Blink 182,  and Snoop Dogg.

Alongside them are local favorites:  Bonerama, Dr. John, Walter Wolfman Washington, Soul Rebels Brass Band, Morning 40 Federation, Ani DiFranco and Ivan Neville, to name a few.

Getting there is stress free - no pedicab rides for me - we'll be riding the Canal line streetcar to and fro.

In between all this there are after parties, Halloween parties, and favorite haunts. We'll also be hooking up with good friends Jack and Cindy, cousin Jane Harvey Brown and her husband Kerry Brown, and my new Burning Man buddies, Butta and Peanut.

French Quarter Festival 2011 - Jane Harvey Brown Traditional Jazz All-stars 

My daughter Lindsay and her boyfriend, Mr. Stolfi, will be joining on Thursday.  We introduced them to NOLA last year and they too are smitten by it.  Not just by Bourbon Street, a place we typically avoid unless we're going to catch legendary jazz pianist Lawrence Cotton at Maison Bourbon, but they get the overall vibe.

Why am I telling you all this?  This is my official "excuse" for being absent from my blog or from reading your blog.  I promise to return with a tale or two....  and pictures.

Here are some of my favorites...

Miss Lucy acting cool in the French Quarter

9th Ward Memorial beside FEMA asbestos tainted trailers  

Window in the Sky - lower 9th Ward

Musicians Village

Jane Harvey Brown Traditional Jazz All-Stars
featuring Mr. Lawrence Cotton on the piano. 

Enjoy!

Hit Me Baby One More Time!

War Bunny, Monkey, Jelly - Burning Man 2011 - photo by Ponder

It's a BIG day for monkey me.  Green Monkey Tales has reached 50,000 hits. 

Translation, I didn't quit.

Ongoing thanks to everyone who visits, reads, comments, or just looks at the pictures.  

Even those of you who are misguided by search engines and spend 0 seconds here.  

It still counts as a hit.

I continue to be entertained by the search engine activity.  Thanks to the counter behind "VIEW MY STATS" I know that my mother and two sisters don't read me.  They live in Vermont.  No one in Vermont reads my blog.  

I am a bit concerned that Homeland Security has visited my site twice in less than a week. 

Unless... they are after the pervert that searched "12 year old naked boy" and was misdirected to my site.

Or... maybe they're after me because I searched "12 year old naked boy" to see if it would take me to my site.  

For those of you who are not bloggers, we BLOGGERS use keywords to label our posts.  For example, this post is labeled "50,000 hits."  Because of the word "hits" I might get a few dominatrix or submissive fetish followers.  

Here's a piece of useless information,

The number one label that generates activity on my blog is NOT...

monkey

burning man

or

bird porn

its 

Mr. Magoo makes a brief appearance in a post entitled Happy Whee Day.  The post is over a year old and still it generates the most hit.   WHAT is the fascination behind Mr. Magoo?

Even someone from the Alaska State Government, in Anchorage, Alaska, using a WindowsXP operating system, googled Mr. Magoo and landed on Green Monkey.

The other day, I was in Manhattan sipping wine and writing in an outdoor cafe. It was a beautiful fall day. Everyone was extra chatty and I was perfectly content by myself... writing

Writing is so cool.  

It helps me focus on what's in front of me.  It helps me focus on what's inside me.  And sometimes, it helps me feel good about me.  Especially when you read me.  

Thank you!  

MonkeYme

Trivia question: 

What is Mr. Magoo's first name? 

BOLD Choices

All choices lead you somewhere.  Bold choices take you where you're supposed to be.   

Wisdom courtesy of Jim Beam.  

On this particular evening, my wisdom came from french martinis (vodka, chambord, pineapple juice) and oaky chardonnay.

BOLD CHOICE NUMBER ONE

During last weekends playdate with friends - a ruckus that included the rally at Time Square and an Irish Pub crawl - I thought it might be fun to take a pedicab ride back to Grand Central.

BOLD CHOICE NUMBER TWO

Because we were three and a pedicab holds two, I chose to squat and balance on the connecting, center shaft of the pedicab while we whirled down 6th Avenue.

BOLD CHOICE NUMBER THREE

Because I'm security conscious, I zipped my handbag shut prior to take off.

Because of this precaution, when the pedicab swerved right and my purse fell off, its contents stayed in place.

I, however, did not.

I followed my purse, to the ground.

I rolled with it, until I got caught up under it (pedicab), and then dragged for a bit.

The details are a bit blurry.  All I can tell you for certain is that I smiled during the entire ordeal, and that my head never hit the ground.

I can also tell you the width of a pedicab.  It measures from the bottom of my shoulder blades to the lower part of my thighs (evident by the tire marks).

And here is an important bit of advice... if you are ever in a situation where your friend is falling out of a pedicab - the correct word to use is STOP.

For fucks sake do NOT yell, "Don't run over the Monkey!"  This will only confuse the driver, especially if English is his second language.

BOLD CHOICE NUMBER FOUR

Had I remained sober the outcome of my Shannonigans could have been disastrous.

We all know it's hard to roll when you're frozen in fear.  By keeping myself well lubricated/inebriated, not only did I roll with it, I kept my toes pointed and had jazz hands.

In a split second, I made the BOLD choice to roll under the pedicab, as opposed to out, into oncoming traffic.

I also calculated (without the use of my iphone), the exact weight of both my friends (must get lighter friends), PLUS the weight of the pedicab, and determined that if I could avoid the important body parts such as (sing it with me) head, shoulders, knee's and toes, knees and toes.... I would probably survive.

And guess what, it's true, it's true - I am alive!  Nothing is broken and I got an entertaining blog post out of it. (see the great lengths I go through to gain and maintain readers)

There is one very sad revelation that came out of all this. 

I've lost my shock value.

When I first reported this story to family and friends I clearly stated...

"I fell out of a pedicab, got run over by it, and dragged by it"  

Here are some of their responses:

Daughter Lindsay:  When do we leave for New Orleans?

Daughter-in-law Mary:  Might be time to detox.

Miss Pegged:  You know, if I was there it would have been me.

Boris (Russian friend who invented pajama jeans):  I made great guacamole for football game.

Supervisor Phil:  Reminds me of that song, "Grandma got run over by a reindeer..."

Total lack of sympathy!

The only person who reacted appropriately was husband, Mark - probably because he was able to see my injuries (including a nasty brush-burn on my back and a swollen coxic bone)

Husband:  This is how people die Dear.  Don't do that again.

Wise advice.

Lets see where tomorrows bold choices will take me.

Robin and Rose with our pedicab driver

(evidence of my disheveled state - exposed sweater label)

Not only did we NOT report him, we tipped him.

Because we need to own our choices

especially, MonkeYme

For those of you who might decide to take a pedicab ride:

NEW YORK CITY DEPARTMENT OF CONSUMER AFFAIRS

42 Broadway | New York, NY 10004 | nyc.gov/consumers

PEDICAB ACCIDENT REPORT

If a pedicab accident occurs and someone is killed or is injured and requires medical treatment, the pedicab driver must immediately: 1) call 911 to report the accident or report the accident to the police officer on the scene or at the nearest police station AND 2) notify the pedicab business owner. Immediately upon notification, the pedicab business owner must: 1) confirm with the pedicab driver that the accident has been reported to the police AND 2) notify the Department of Consumer Affairs about the time and location of the accident and any death or injuries requiring medical treatment. Call (212) 487-8768 OR fax notification to (718) 935-6516 OR e-mail accidentreports@dca.nyc.gov. The pedicab driver must give his/her name, address, and information about liability insurance coverage to any person sustaining physical injury or property damage in a pedicab accident.

Whether or not an accident involved death or injury, within 24 hours after the accident, submit this form to the Department of Consumer Affairs using the fax or e-mail information above. This form must be signed by both the pedicab business owner (or his or her agent) and the pedicab driver involved in the accident.

*** 

I LOVE YOU and there's NOTHING you can do about it

Today's post is about the people...   tomorrow, we'll go back to the MonkeY

World Day of Action

One thing I try to never do here, is voice my political opinions.  Well, there is this one story that I've been meaning to tell you about - when Miss Lucy and I bumping into Mitt Romney, in a hotel lobby in New Orleans during the last presidential election.  Miss Lucy was wearing her OBAMA bandanna.  The gasp heard from the crowd was priceless.

And there is this other story - about how I made my own OBAMA buttons and hand delivered them in 6 different states.   One of them was mailed to a friend in Hawaii and hand delivered to Senator Inouye.  He wore it at a democratic convention (see Steve's Inauguration Travel Log).

that's my button!  the smaller one, under the bigger one

But I'll save those stories for another day.  Today I am heading into the city to meet my dear Monkey Girl friend and her friend.  I'll also be swinging by Time Square to take part in a massive convergence in solidarity.  Today, as most of you know, is World Day of Action.

There will be music, performances and a big message - that the people of this country, not the banks, not corporate american - hold the true power.

Because I'm opinionated, bossy, and do not handle direction or barricades well (see story Whats Wrong With Me), I realize there is a slight chance that I might get arrested.

To prepare for this possibility, I gave the cat her catnip, shaved my legs, and put on Spanx. I wonder if laptops are allowed in the slammer?

So, if I don't post for a day or two or 20, don't worry.  I am fine.  I'm with my people - my outspoken, I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore, people.

Today, I'll be joining thousands of you, in hundreds of cities across the country, in support of this movement.  For me, once again, its about HOPE and a new vision for the future.

Together we are the tipping point.  

Looking Forward

Today I'm supporting my fellow bloggers by participating in a blogfest. Originally, I thought this meant free booze, live music, and pretty lights. I was wrong.  

I've agreed to visit all of the sites listed HERE.  At the moment there are 226 bloggers are on the list.  I'm number 160.

I need to start reading the fine print (simple directions) before I agree to something.

226 blog sites to visit and 20,162 unread messages thanks to the new iphone software - its going to be a very busy day!

I've also agreed to recommend three bloggers.  

Here they are in no particular order.... drum roll please!

1.  Green Monkey Tales - That's right, shameless self promotion. If you click on the link it will take you to yesterdays post. This is my idea of a bitchfest.  

2.  Kitty Howard - love her name.  She blogs stories gained through life experiences.  Some are good.  Some not so good.  But she is thankful for both.  (oops, what I meant was some of her life experiences are good and some are not so good.  ALL her stories are good)

3.  Alices Reprieve - Because its beautiful here.  Alice is learning about what really matters most in life.  For Alice that means, faith, hope and most important LOVE.  

And one more for good luck, EMPTY WHITE PAGES.  I met Sarah Pearson at the Insecure Writers Support Group but she's got nothing to be insecure about.  She is also on a publishing path.  And like me, she's made the time to write and has run out of excuses.  If she lived closer (she's in the UK) I'd show up on her doorstep with a basket full of cheese, wine and maybe a kitty or two.  

Okay...now, back to me.  More MONKEY please!

Because so many of you have supported my joy of writing over the past two years, I have a secret to share.  No...this is NOT about the Tea Party.  This is a TOP SECRET BEAUTY TREATMENT.   Promise me you'll tell everyone!

As always, thank you for reading and commenting.   

In your own unique way, you're each helping to make me a better writer.  

MonkeYme

I Have a Hammer and a Veggie Pizza

I had too much sleep last night. When this happens my mind wakes me up with a nightmare. Today's nightmare involved my former mother-in-law who died a year and a half ago.  In the dream her only son, (husband #2) is crying on her bossism.  She tells him not to worry, that she will take him to purgatory to get a new wife. "That's where I got Shannon!" he cries. When they realize I am in the room my deceased, former mother-in-law shouts, "go back to purgatory you vial creature!" then adds, "and while you're there learn how to spell!"

Here in Glenville, Connecticut (also known as the Gateway to New England) autumn is in full bloom. I imagine how lovely it would be if only we had an ordinance against campaign signage. Have you ever voted for a candidate based on a sign you saw on someones front lawn? Well... I am about to. I'm going to vote for Stephen NG for Town Clerk because he doesn't have a vowel in his last name.

(crossing the road to take this picture I slipped on a dead squirrel)

With autumn leafs falling I am reminded...

Can we please make leaf blowing illegal. Nothing annoys me more. Maybe Mr. NG will know someone, who knows someone, who can make that happen. Or, is there someone out there that can invent one that isn't deafening?  And while you're at it, how about inventing a sprinkler system with a built in barometer so you don't water the grass while its raining. 

I spent 3 1/2 hours today uploading, installing and activating the new iOS software for my iphone. Not only did this make my phone slower, but it uploaded archived emails from 4 of my email addresses and marked them as new. The envelope icon says I have 596 unread messages but when I delete a bunch, I get a bunch more. (UPDATE... I now have 24,697 unread messages to clear) And worse, I can't activate my CLOUD. I was never interested in the CLOUD until now - now that I can't activate it.

A new gym opened near my office. It's for women only. The personal trainers are men only.  Its a small space, with two large windows in the front. In the windows are the treadmills. Directly across the street is a three story office building with 429 male employees. The chance of me "working out" here is ZERO.  I'd feel like a puppy in a pet store.

 
A few doors down from the gym is a new restaurant called DOPPIO.  I'm sorry but thats a stupid name and I'm not going in there either.

I grabbed takeout Chinese food for lunch today.  My soup was cold, my chicken was dry, and my fortune cookie read...

(update)

BITCH OVER

Thanks to JELLY!  

what a great share...

NEVER mind...
The BITCH is BACK

Thursdays is pizza night.
I order my usual - a whole wheat salad pizza (guiltless pizza)
"no olives" I remind her
"there are no olives on the veggie pizza" she tells me
I bit my tongue... decided not to remind her that 3 weeks ago I got olives on my pizza.
35 minutes later the pizza arrives at our front door.
It's a veggie pizza
nothing but onions, mushrooms, EGGPLANT (gag), and peppers.

I ordered a salad pizza, she heard veggie pizza.
When she repeated my order back to me, I was so focused on "no olives"
that I didn't hear her say veggie.



10:33 pm UPDATE
'cause I'm drinkin'...
meet the man with no vowels

 "NG cries FOUL!"  (oh the scandal!)