Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Clearing Out My Clutter


The last thing he said to me was "stick that in your pipe and smoke it you fat ass bitch" and that's why I wore a double layer of Spanx to his funeral.

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I regret not seeing him before he died. Of course, I didn't know he was going to die. I don't think he knew he was going to die either. I've been writing about him for the past four days but other than that opening line, it's not flowing and I can't get it right.

To clear my mind, I've decided to take Julianna's lead at Surviving Boys and focus on some of the random clutter that's going on inside my head.  Most of it is silly.


Someone found their way to my blog by googling BIRD GENITALIA.  Who in their right mind wants to look at bird genitalia?  And why would a search engine point in my direction?  Sure, I did a post that included some BIRD PORN but it didn't take them there.  It took them to a post called THE DANCE.  Yes, there were some pictures of men's cocks in that post but no bird cocks.  No birds appeared anywhere in this post. The whole thing is bizarre!

Should I change my profile picture from this...


to this?


The one I am using now is about 5 years old and I don't have that hat anymore. Am I misrepresenting myself by using that cowgirl, Burning Man picture?  Should I stick with something that represents the blog more then it does me - be more incognito?


Can a man be bi-curious and not be gay?  Why do some men deny their true sexuality?  Is it possible to deny your sexuality and live a satisfying, joyful life?   

And...

Can a woman be bi-curious and not be gay?  YES 
Why do women deny their true sexuality?  FEAR
Is it possible to deny your sexuality and live a satisfying, joyful life?  I can't speak for others but for me, I would not feel satisfied if I did not honor my sexuality.  Sex is too important to me.  


I recently noticed that a very practical friend of mine owned a pair of non-practical shoes - Jimmy Choo's to be specific.  They are gorgeous but for the life of me I can't understand how women balance in them, let alone walk in them. 

There is a woman I see at Starbucks almost every morning.  She's probably my age but she's so well preserved that she looks 10 years younger.  She dresses impeccably, stands tall, and always wears heels.  I imagined she kicked them off the minute she got in her car - only wearing them for short spurts.  Well, she proved me wrong.  The other day I caught her running to the train in 4 inch heels.  How do women run, stand, strut, in heels for long periods of time? And I for one want to see what her feet look like naked.  


For the past several weeks, I have been conducting a survey in hopes of turning it into a blog post.  I have been asking random men if they would rather be tall and bald or short with a full head of hair.  Tall is defined as 6 ft or more.  Short is defined as 5'8" or less.  So far, 100 % of the men I asked claim they would rather be tall and bald.  

REALLY? 

My next question will be for the ladies.  Would you rather be with a man who is tall and bald, or short with a full head of hair?   

I think TALL is overrated.  I would pick a man with hair any day! But all the important men in my life have been 5'8 or under.  And I love running my fingers through a man's hair.    


I am a member of a Secret Tea Party and it's a blast.  No...Tea Party is not code for anything.  A tea party is exactly that - a TEA PARTY!  Initially, we kept it secret so that people who weren't invited would not feel left out but its evolved into so much more then that.  By keeping it a secret we can share our deepest secrets and our secrets are juicy good!

If I change everyone's names and the location I can tell you about it.  So far, there are 6 random women in our group.  None of us have anything in common other than once sharing a ...... (hmmm... too much information) lets just say, we have nothing in common and we are learning about each other as we go along.  Our last tea party was Saturday.  I have not had that much fun in very, very long time.  No alcohol was involved.  We didn't need it.  Food was involved.  It was delicious!  And yes, there was plenty of tea.    

Well, thats it for today dear friends.  I'm heading into the city, I'm late, and its gorgeous out! Think I might treat myself to a pair of big girl shoes, my favorite crab cakes and a glass of chardonnay.    

Cheers!  Shannon


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16 comments:

  1. Hmmm... if someone said something to me along the lines of what the person did in the opening of your post, I'm not sure there would have been a body for a funeral... assuming that one needs a body in order to hold a funeral.

    I'm 6'1"... all of the men in my family have been tall. Dad was 6' 3"... another brother was 6' 5"... Come to think of it, even one of my sisters is tall.

    I have a nice head of hair, I think... I don't have the head shape for baldness... some men do. I don't.

    Sexuality issues... blah. The last four-plus years I was married were sexless, touchless, kissless, no "nothing" as I like to say. But, I loved her.. for better or for worse... *shrugs*

    And then the anti-depressant I was on after my Dad died and during my divorce really fuckt with my sex drive...

    Ilfe isn't easy, but it sure is fun...

    How are you doing? You had asked about whether I was going to make VooDoo Fest in Nola or not... I'm just not sure. I haven't seen GirlShoes in a while...

    ~shoes~

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  2. that was great Shoes - makes me want to smoke a cigarette, and I quit almost 20 years ago.

    Lucky you got tall and hair.

    Life is fun... let us not lose our focus!

    big HUG to you my friend!

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  3. Hmmm. I'm gonna follow your random...

    When I saw that bird picture the first thing I thought was "Another Bird Porn Post!!!"

    I like your cowgirl picture. :) But if you feel the need to go all incognito on us, go for it. (Mainly because I knew you "when", and it doesn't matter to me.)

    The sex thing... yes, you can explore sexiality without being gay. But I think it's less about fear and more about conforming. Think about it, we are tought from a very young age that it's not OK to be out of the box. Hell, they want us to sit still for 6.5 hours a day in a chair, listening to the same teacher voice go on and on for 12 years. I am 36 and still can't sit still. :)

    I got nothing on the shoes. But I can say that the one professional ballerina I knew had terrible toes.

    My exhusband was 5'9" and bald. My current husband is 6'2" and has a full head of hair (with very little gray). Which do you think I prefer? :)

    And now... I want to have a secret tea party.

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  4. I LOVE it all Miss Shannon! I am so fried that honestly, I'm not even sure what is going through my mind. I'm not sure I am even making complete thoughts at this point. Shoes...well we all know I love them. Just got my first pair of Manalo Blancs. When I get a new pair of of shoes I'm quite sure I glow like I've just had great sex. Now sex...lets get back to the fried part. Honestly, I would prefer a good nights sleep and a little peace. Perhaps when my litttle flock leaves my nest I will change my tune. Now the man short tall thing and hair or no hair.... I have short with hair that I assuming will at some point be short and bald. I guess at that point there is always shoes ;)

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  5. THAT was a great last line Miss C! ahhhh you make me smile! and I want to see your Manalo's!!!

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  6. I love secret tea parties...can I ask...are four letter words allowed??

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  7. Personally, I love your profile picture. I haven't changed mine... ever. I didn't change the one on my MySpace page, either, which is kind of odd, since my life changes so often, that I feel I've lived at 3 full lives, already, and I'm about 3/8 through. I would rather be tall and bald. I am 5/11 and 3/4" It's that important. I don't know why. I enjoy your random thoughts :)
    X X
    \_/

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  8. Whilst I was married, I honestly thought I wasn't interested in sex. Turns out I was wrong :-)

    I think a tall bald man is sexy to look at (Think vin Diesel) but in real life, I don't give a rat's whether he's tall, short, bald or hairy as long as he makes me laugh.

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  9. Day late but here. This sure is some random Monkey. Now I'm truly torn... like both pictures. The shoes to me look like a torture device, flip flops baby! :)
    Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

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  10. Sarah, that was great! Marriage has a way of killing your sex drive if you're not married to someone you're wildly attracted to.

    Jesse, I would have guessed you for 6 ft at the very least.

    Jules, I go from flip flops, to flats, to boots.

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  11. New follower here, nice to meet you!

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  12. ewww some sort of jedi warrior (?). It's not a party until one of these creatures shows up! Thanks for commenting and visiting Matt :)

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  13. A secret tea party? I MUST know more. Please? It sounds deliciously wonderful.

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  14. I frequently end up with this great opening line that I can't attach to anything.

    Then, by the time I manage to attach it to something, it ends up looking too pretentious to print and I drop it out.

    Oh, and the google searches that lead folks to my page are consistently mind-boggling and scary. Damn that stats page for ever telling me (and then forcing me to check it every 5 minutes)!

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  15. @Blissed, I know, I KNOW... THIS secret TEA party is the best thing ever! I promise to write it up soon. great stuff unfolded last weekend.

    @KatyDid yep, we check it over and over again! CRAZY BLOGGERS that we are!

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Thank you for encouraging my JOY of writing. By reading and commenting you are feeding my soul, stroking my heart, and in the end...making me a better writer.

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing

Thank You For Encouraging My Joy of Writing
greenmonkeytales@live.com

Shannon E. Kennedy

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Photo by Joan Harrison