Yesterday, while I was home writing, the State Police showed up at my office. My co-worker in crime, Miss Pegged called me immediately.
Miss Pegged: The State Police are here, what should I do?!?
Monkey Me: Do they have a search warrant?
The only thing I could think of was my daughter who lives in an apartment above my office. Sure, she's adorable, but I imagine she's got a meth lab in her closet.
They did NOT have a search warrant.
Monkey Me: Don't let them in!
Maybe I never told you this but when I'm not writing I run a security, investigation and detective agency. Primarily, I provide uniformed security guard services to high end clientele.
Miss Pegged: They said if I don't let them in they'll shut us down.
At this point, I knew I was going to have to talk to them.
Turns out, they were there to perform a "surprise inspection" to make certain all my paperwork was in order.
All I could think of was THANK GOD this has nothing to do with my daughter! I knew she was a good girl. She would never have a meth lab in her closet. Her mother raised her well!
I explained to them that I was about 4 hours away, that the information they needed was in my computer and Miss Pegged didn't have the security access code.
They said they would wait.
Monkey Me: But I have my grandson with me.
And with that, they agreed to come back the following day..
I can't believe that worked. Why did that work?
I barely slept last night. My mind was working overtime.
I know, I know, I should have just gone back to the office and given them what they want. But, I was in the middle of writing and it was flowing really well. That doesn't happen all the time as many of you know. And never, NEVER, in the 52 year history of the company has there ever been a "surprise" inspection.
What if they shut me down? What will I do? What am I qualified to do? Who wants to hire a 52 year old ostracized security specialist?
Somewhere between 2:00 and 4:20 am, I came up with a plan.
KITTY CAT WIGS....
I'm going to make and market, kitty cat wigs.
To my surprise, its already being done.
KITTYCATWIGS
KITTYCATWIGS
And, they're spectacular!
How is it that I never thought of this before? I designed a merkin for my dog, Why didn't I think to design a wig for my cat?
Why stop there, lets accessories the kitty's!
Already being done.
Kitty Clown wig?
Done
To prepare for today's not a surprise inspection, I shaved my legs and packed an extra pair of panties. And I'm making the dog wear a dress.
Well dear readers, it's time for me to face the music. Let's hope for the best!
to be continued......
xoMonkeYme
CLICK ON IT, YOU KNOW YOU WANT ONE...
CLICK ON IT, YOU KNOW YOU WANT ONE...
Crazy. Does running a private investigation/detective agency require a licensure warranting surprise police inspections?
ReplyDeleteMy dogs wear dresses, and coats, and turtleneck sweaters.
ReplyDelete'DustBunny said...
ReplyDeleteI'd be alot less calm than you Monkeypuss, Paws Crossed all turns out for the best! I s this like an audit or something?? the playa will provide!!
xoxoxox DB
I'm laughing and I have a cold so I sound like a screeching hyena! Don't worry, you know the cops in this area are harmless,nthey are just bored!
ReplyDeleteThose kitty wigs are hilarious. Alas, my cats wouldn't be very good candidates for them, I fear. Yesterday, I was playing with baby doll hair to make a wig of sorts for a sweet potato, (I'm not completely nuts ... it was for a picture for my blog.) and my cats kept snitching pieces and trying to eat it. (Chewed it rather loudly, too.) So nope, no wigs for them. I already clean enough weird stuff out of their litter box.
ReplyDeleteThis is why I love you. Not to worry, worst case scenario, Pajama Jeans Incorporated is looking for a new spokesmodel and you'd be a perfect fit! (Though we say that about all our clients!)
ReplyDeleteToo funny! Those cats look like the children of Lady Gaga! Good luck with the inspection!
ReplyDeleteAgh, never a good thing to have the cops show up, thank goodness it was only an inspection.
ReplyDeleteSo what do they inspect, proper fur length on your handcuffs? Has your whip frayed that much? :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I spent 5 years in a Federal Pen as a "Security Specialist." :)
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow
Your imagination way surpasses mine, I would've never thought! I hope everything goes well.
ReplyDeleteYes, you are imaginative!
ReplyDeleteI'm trying not to reply to your comments ... hoping you'll think MAYBE I'm in the slammer.
ReplyDeleteI'll save the details for tomorrows post but I wanted to tell you that your comments are CRACKING ME UP! They're better than the actual post.
You are ALL so darn clever ~
I too am 52 yrs old...all this LOL'ing is making me need depends!! Belly laughs that make the deaf dog sit straight up from a sound sleep!! keep amusing us Shanny!
ReplyDeleteI can't figure out who my "Shanny" commenter is??? Maureen, Sue? who ever you are THANK YOU!
ReplyDeleteMy cat will kill me. He's a boy, and I'm afraid he may not be totally secure enough in his masculinity to wear a purple wig.
ReplyDeleteJust sayin'.
GM - I sincerely hope neither Maureen or Sue are younger than 52 or yo are in so much trouble! :-)
ReplyDeleteDear Mz. KittyKatWigLady,
ReplyDeleteI would like to order the multi-colored clown style wig, and I'll take the adorable kitten wearing it, also, please.....
Sincerely,
MG
Sarah, good point! Lucky for me they are both old high school friends. wait, scratch "old" - we're all from the same graduating class :)
ReplyDeleteMonkey Gurl, I can see you're going to need a part time job to cover your kittywig obsession. I'll give you a job. You can collect cat hair for the "real hair" Kitcat wig collection!
Nothing brings me to uncontrolled urin faster than the word "Audit". I am thinking "Surprise Inspection" would be a close second. Gawd woman...I hope it went okay. I would like to see you designing kitty lingerie though. I know, I know. Probably been done!
ReplyDeleteHello, I wish you the best.
ReplyDeleteMelvin