WINE and WEAPONS

This is one of those silly stories that I say I'm going to write, but never get around to it.


A day or two ago, I left it as a comment on Monkey Man's blog. I've tweaked it so I can retell it here. Thanks Monkey Man for pulling it out of me.


I live in a condo complex composed of 6 units. We all have sliding glass doors that lead to a balcony that overlooks a river.  On the opposite side of the river is a restaurant housed inside a converted felt mill. 

view of restaurant from my deck 

One lovely spring day my neighbor, a single man in his late 20's, invites two girls over to his condo. He attempts to WOW them by showing off his new rifle.  It is a hunting rifle with a super cool scope - a laser scope.

After he shows them how cool his super cool rifle is, he locks it inside a gun safe. 


I am outside, on my deck, enjoying a leisurely bowl of wine when I see a SWARM of men, dressed in black - helmets on, guns drawn.


I almost spill my wine.  

(monkey dramatization of what happened next...) 

They surround my neighbors unit. Some scale the walls and leap onto his deck. Others are on the roof.  All at once they burst into my neighbors condo, knock him to the floor and arrest him. They then parade him out, in handcuffs, and stuff him into the back of an armored truck (okay, it was a squad car, but the armored truck makes for a better story).


Despite the fact that everything is in order - his rifle is licensed and safely stored - he is charged with endangering the welfare of his female guests (or something along those lines). 


But he, my neighbor, was not the "danger" - his rifle was not loaded and there was no ammunition in the house. 


Because my neighbor foolishly chose to WOW his lady friends with his rifle, while INSIDE his house, it was his actions that caused the SWAT team to arrive - with their loaded, fully automatic weapons drawn. That is what puts the girls in danger.


Is it just me or is that NUTS. 


Little did my neighbor know that at the exact moment he was showing his female friends his rifle, a Marine (recently home from Afghanistan), was eating dinner in the restaurant across the river.  Halfway through his linguini, he notified police that there was a man, on his balcony, pointing a riffle at him.  


My neighbor was not on his balcony. I was on my balcony. 


I will admit, my wine glass was LARGE, but in no way did it resemble a rifle. A pistol perhaps, but not a rifle. 

xoMonkeyME

Want even MORE monkey? 

See Monkey Man, a wildly entertaining blog.

He's "lost somewhere between knuckle dragging and upright"


For Monkey Man's post 
that fueled this post 
click HERE