Sunday, November 27, 2011


This is one of those silly stories that I say I'm going to write, but never get around to it.

A day or two ago, I left it as a comment on Monkey Man's blog. I've tweaked it so I can retell it here. Thanks Monkey Man for pulling it out of me.

I live in a condo complex composed of 6 units. We all have sliding glass doors that lead to a balcony that overlooks a river.  On the opposite side of the river is a restaurant housed inside a converted felt mill. 

view of restaurant from my deck 

One lovely spring day my neighbor, a single man in his late 20's, invites two girls over to his condo. He attempts to WOW them by showing off his new rifle.  It is a hunting rifle with a super cool scope - a laser scope.

After he shows them how cool his super cool rifle is, he locks it inside a gun safe. 

I am outside, on my deck, enjoying a leisurely bowl of wine when I see a SWARM of men, dressed in black - helmets on, guns drawn.

I almost spill my wine.  

(monkey dramatization of what happened next...) 

They surround my neighbors unit. Some scale the walls and leap onto his deck. Others are on the roof.  All at once they burst into my neighbors condo, knock him to the floor and arrest him. They then parade him out, in handcuffs, and stuff him into the back of an armored truck (okay, it was a squad car, but the armored truck makes for a better story).

Despite the fact that everything is in order - his rifle is licensed and safely stored - he is charged with endangering the welfare of his female guests (or something along those lines). 

But he, my neighbor, was not the "danger" - his rifle was not loaded and there was no ammunition in the house. 

Because my neighbor foolishly chose to WOW his lady friends with his rifle, while INSIDE his house, it was his actions that caused the SWAT team to arrive - with their loaded, fully automatic weapons drawn. That is what puts the girls in danger.

Is it just me or is that NUTS. 

Little did my neighbor know that at the exact moment he was showing his female friends his rifle, a Marine (recently home from Afghanistan), was eating dinner in the restaurant across the river.  Halfway through his linguini, he notified police that there was a man, on his balcony, pointing a riffle at him.  

My neighbor was not on his balcony. I was on my balcony. 

I will admit, my wine glass was LARGE, but in no way did it resemble a rifle. A pistol perhaps, but not a rifle. 


Want even MORE monkey? 
See Monkey Man, a wildly entertaining blog.
He's "lost somewhere between knuckle dragging and upright"

For Monkey Man's post 
that fueled this post 
click HERE


  1. It's not you, it is nuts. Are our police officers becoming a little fanatic with their enthusiasm for protecting and serving the common man? Seems like the common man is suddenly the this what 1984 was about? Big Brother....there's a Bowie song called Big Brother....written in the 70's...I must look up the lyrics and see if he was clairvoyant and just off by a few decades....


  2. I think there's a Right or two in that Bill that covers this one.

  3. something similar happened to an ex of mine. He had a pellet gun (a pistol) in his apartment in San Francisco and was waving it around. Not shooting it or anything, not pointing at anyone, but someone in a room in the hotel across the street reported that there was a man wielding a gun. The cops came and broke down his door! The world is an odd place.

  4. Woah, that sounds really intense. Careful where you point that wine glass haha.

  5. What a great story...a wine glass as a hi-power hunting rifle, hm...NOT

  6. Geez, way to go getting your neighbor in trouble with your glass of wine. :)

  7. That's nuts, for sure! This could be a potential lawsuit, they had no right to arrest him or take him away! Craziness!

  8. This story sounds a bit familiar to me. Oh, yeah...I read it a few days ago. Thanks for letting me be the first to read the recount and for the shout out.

  9. Meanwhile... there's a ton of crazy shit going down every day that is sponsored by our government... that is never questioned.



  10. That IS a crazy story! And I loved the way you told it. Great to meet you, and I'm sorry for the delay in my visit to your blog after you followed mine. My Friends Connect mosaic is not functioning properly and most days, I don't see my most recent followers. Anyhow, I love your blog voice and look forward to more posts. Hope you had a great weekend!

  11. But what I want to know is what happened to the poor guy. Its ridiculous. Thanks for the follow, here's mine.

  12. OK. There are both sides of this story that I see, but seriously? Who has that happen to them????

    And on a totally different note... what an amazing view! You lucky monkey you!

  13. ahhhhhh I am a lucky Monkey! thanks Julianna ~ we call the deck "our little slice of heaven" - its very small, but with the flowers up its very private.

  14. WHAT? That is pure craziness.
    I guess it is good to know that we would be quickly protected were someone to try to kill us with a rifle...but still, just crazy!

  15. I'm not big on cops these days, I know a few and only one has not let his badge go to his head.

    As for the rifle, I remember the time when my buddies and me could walk down our streets with BB guns without people freaking out. It appears everyone has lost all perspective.

  16. "Enjoying a leisurely bowl of wine ..." HA!

    I guess everyone has become more aware of the "dangers" around us in today's world, and the more paranoid we become, the more dangers we see. Your neighbor's ordeal was pretty awful, (guess he didn't "impress" those girls, huh?) but I'm more horrified by the examples of SWAT teams bursting into a home, and terrorizing the people living there, sometimes in the middle of the night ... and it turns out to be "the wrong address."

  17. What a lovely view from your balcony -- except for the SWAT team, of course. I'm so glad my only neighbors are of the bovine and deer variety.

  18. Wow. What craziness. The story has some humor, but I bet your neighbor doesn't think so.


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