Friday, November 25, 2011

My GUARANTEED Delivery




Due to a hurricane, I was two days late for Burning Man when I arrived at Westchester County Airport.

My camping gear was already there - I shipped it out weeks a head of time.  
My giant VooDude doll was already there - I shipped him out weeks a head of time. 
A dear friend of mine (a first time Burner) was already there - waiting for me in Reno.

(7 ft tall voodude doll) 

To aid in efficiency, I packed all my costumes and Burning Man survival items into one giant duffle bag.  

The luggage store warned me that although it was labeled a "body bag" it was not large enough to carry a set of golf clubs, or a cello, or for that matter, an actual adult sized body.  

Good to know. 

What I didn't know was the cost to check an oversized, overweight item. 

Take a guess...

What does American Airlines charge for 
overweight (by 7 lbs) 
oversized (by 4 inches) 
luggage? 

If you guessed...

$50.00 
$100.00
or
$150.00

you guessed wrong. 

The cost to ship an 
oversized, 
overweight, 
body bag is

$400.00 
(gasp)

Here is where it gets silly...

If there were golf clubs in my body bag the cost would have been $150.00
If I was shipping a musical instrument, such as a cello, the cost would have been $150.00 
 A bike, $150.00 
A hand glider, $150.00
A javelin, $150.00
Scuba gear (with tank), $150.00 
A surfboard, kite board, wake board, wave ski, $150.00
Actual body in body bag... that, I'm not sure of.

I tried to buy a seat for my body bag, but the flight was sold out. 
I tried to get a later flight but none were available.
It didn't matter if I took 7 lb. of stuff out, the bag was still oversized. 
I had no choice but to pay the fee. 
So I did. 

But Monkey is no fool, after Burning Man I didn't lug my body bag back to American Airlines - instead, it went in a campmates pickup truck bound for southern California with the understanding that I would have it picked up by a carrier service. 

UPS won't pick up items that aren't properly boxed but FedEx does. Because its luggage, they simply put a tag on it and ship it back. 

The pickup was scheduled for the following day. The package was scheduled to arrive 5 to 10 days later.  

According to my tracking number, my body bag is on its way home. 
According to my campmate, my body bag is sitting on his front porch. 


I feel like a little kid at Christmas! 
What is FedEx bringing me? 

Take a WILD guess.


I'll update you when the package arrives.
  
Winner gets a kitten.




One kitten per household. 
Offer good while supplies last.



xoMonkeyMe
p.s. I'm not feeling sorry for myself today. 
Thank you for allowing me to feel safe enough to vent. 
And thank you for your kind, heartfelt comments. 

  

21 comments:

  1. Maybe it's someone else's bodybag. In which case, uh, be careful where you open it.

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  2. I can't imagine. If this were my circumstance, the bag would burn upon delivery, from my fumes of anger. What an ordeal!

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  3. I've hear of Burning Man but never heard anyone's personal experience of going (or getting there). Fascinating! And the kittens are adorable.

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  4. I'm not going to guess, because a kitten couldn't fit into my apartment, it can barely hold me. But I'm anxious to find out!

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  5. I soooooooo want that voodude. I need to know how much and where

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  6. I made it Dazee!!! :) if you supply the wine and the materials, we'll make one together!

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  7. $400 is highway robbery... tsk.

    I think it's awesome that you've been to Burning Man! I've gone 3 times... pity that it had to end :[

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  8. Yeah, I'd be worried about getting someone elses body bag...lol That would be horrifying!

    I have never been on a plane.

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  9. I agree if it smells and is squishy to the touch, tell the fedex guy you don't know the addressee :)

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  10. I'm putting my money that some angry golfer somewhere is missing his clubs!! If I'm right, I'll pass on the kitten since I am deathly afraid of them...although that pic WAS cute!! ps to your ps...A good pity party does wonders for the soul...I always feel much better after having one!!!

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  11. Friggin airlines! Don't even get me started on that crap. Ever since 9-11 they have gone of the deep end and taken ADVANTAGE of every nickel they could pull out of a pocket! I am tired of it1 Makes no sense why they would charge you 250 more for a Cello! Arrrrrrgh. I am excited to know whats on your porch! I'm not going to guess, because I need a kitten like I need a second layer of underwear.

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  12. winner gets kitten...how adorable and oh so expensive to ship these days

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  13. "Kind" "Heartfelt"

    kool you went and burned da man, though!


    Best wishes to the kittens :-)


    Maurice Chevalier

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  14. Maurice Chevalier?!

    I needs me a DRINK!

    Aloha from Honolulu

    Comfort Spiral

    > < } } ( ° >

    ><}}(°>

    < ° ) } } > <

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  15. No kittens....they turn into cats.

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  16. Since my pod people suburbanite neighbors already hate me them seeing a body bag placed on my doorstep would be a quick reason to call the cops.

    What's in your body bag?

    Hundreds of Green monkey t-shirts?

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  17. Hi there, I am playing catch up now the olive harvest is over and have found you have done a lot of writing since I was last here. Your life seems full of highs and lows that you right about so well, love the kittens!

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  18. still waiting for my BODY BAG to arrive!

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  19. Clearly they have never seen you fit your actual adult sized body into a box. Course, that wouldn't have been over the weight limit or the size.

    Hmmm.

    I'm going to say a kitten eating crocodile.

    Simply because I'm lacking in creativity at the moment.

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  20. OMG, I love kittens. And cats. I think I'm getting allergic though. :/

    That voodoo doll is epic. I've never been to Burning Man, but it looks like it (is? was?) super fun.

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  21. Aloha Shannon,

    Mahalo for stopping by and sharing some Thanksgiving memories on my blog.

    I know I don't know you, but I wish you nothing but the best, and I hope that one day in the future that somewhere, somehow you get the chance to break some bread as you sit across from your son.

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greenmonkeytales@live.com

Shannon E. Kennedy

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